Posts in Social commentary

This Culture of Victim Shaming

How long has it been since y’all read from me?

Now that I’m back on my personal space, I can talk the way I want without anybody coming to fight me.

I’ve been away since March because this blog refused to let me post and reply comments. It was as if the blog grew a mind of its own because it just threw me out and became my master.

Anyway, now that I’m back on the weekend that the one thing I hate most in this world is trending, let’s just get right into it.

If you’ve been following me before now, you’d know that I dedicated the whole of last year to getting abused victims to speak up after someone verbally molested me and my breasts at Jibowu last year. The stories that came after mine progressed from verbal sexual molestation to actual physical and sexual molestation.

They went from “he touched my breasts,” “he fingered me” to “he raped me countless times” “she took my virginity when I was a child” and what not.

I became a totally different person in the course of reading these stories because I realized that a lot of women if not all, have experienced abuse one way or the other. I even went as far as confronting some of the molesters within my reach and getting threatened by most of them.

You would imagine my outrage when after the whole Busola Dakolo interview on YNaija, some bloody nitwits and rape apologists came out to ask questions like:

• Why was she dressed in her nightie when the pastor came to visit?

• Why is she coming out to speak now?

• Would she have spoken out if Biodun Fatoyinbo wasn’t a pastor?

All of these while completely ignoring the fact that she said that she had spoken out once before and was made to shut up and never speak of it again. Some people watched the cut clips on twitter and ig and concluded that she was lying when there was a 25 minutes long video put out on YouTube containing the full details of the assault.

Unbelievably, the attacks came mostly from women and others who were of the mind that he wasn’t a pastor when he did it, hence calling him out wasn’t necessary.

Back in 2013, Ese Walters who is a survivor to me, called out the same man for the same thing he is being accused of today and because rape is an issue that is always overlooked and social media was not as strong then, she was called names and insulted left, right and center. Thank God she couldn’t be bullied by Nigerians who would rather be blinded by the men put in place to lead them to God.

We make religion seem like a warfare in this country by not letting these religious leaders be accountable and if we won’t get anything right, let’s get our path to righteousness right. Let’s not lose our common sense in a bid to kiss the asses of the “spiritual daddies” who are rapists.

This and a lot more of these confessions are going round and I would say my story that involved a “teens president” of a church in ogudu but that would require a whole blog post.

While we wait for your Gucci pastor to go through with his lawsuit, another Gboko beast emerged from the pits after hell and decided he wanted to be Mike Tyson on his girlfriend.

You can read the full story here.

Let it be known that silence is not an option anymore and if you’re going to be a physical and sexual assault apologist, there is no place for you on my blog or in my life.

If you’ve molested someone in the past, it’s best you out yourself before someone else does it.

I’ll stop here because I have to go to yaba market to buy jeans with my friend.

My next blog post would have us catching up but until then, remember that you can be anything you want to be but not a rape apologist or rapist.

#istandwithbusoladakolo.

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Take a minute to stroll round the blog and admire the works of the hands of my web designer.

WHO MISSED ME?

Lagos Landlords are absolute extremists

If you live in Lagos and you’re trying to get an apartment, I commend you for participating in this extreme sport.

Now playing: Wonderland by Efeoraka

When I said it few weeks ago that Lagos landlords are extremists, it looked and sounded like I was blowing things out of proportion but after my friend had to claim that she was married in order to secure an apartment, I thought nothing they did could ever surprise me again until my male friend went through a totally different ordeal.

He had been on about this apartment search since December and it always met him at a dead end because these landlords are not smiling with anybody’s father.

About a week ago, he was casually talking to his client when he mentioned that he needed an apartment big enough to contain all his photography equipments but he had not found the perfect one yet, she offered to renew the rent of the apartment where her sister used to stay for my friend and her brother while he continued his search and of course, who no like better thing?

In this case, the house was owned by a woman and in the briefings given to them by their agent, they had to appear before her looking like responsible young men as she was keen on who she let into her house and so they did.

They got there looking like the most responsible bachelors in Lagos. Well, my friend did but his client’s brother came as he was – unbothered.

After going round the house and getting the final rent balance, the landlady said ‘oya let’s talk’ and sat down like a Queen.

Her ground rules were:

⁃ No coming into the compound later than 8pm (in this Lagos o)

⁃ If they ever stayed out beyond 8pm, they shouldn’t even bother coming home because she would not answer them if they knocked (even our extreme parents didn’t go this far)

⁃ All visitors must be assessed by her before coming into her compound (yes ma, Access me and tell me to leave the compound)

⁃ There would be only one key to the gate and it was going to be with her, if they ever needed to go out or come in, they would need to call her first. The gate was going to be locked at all times (because she’s the one that gave birth to them)

⁃ No female visitors (my friends and I planned to disguise as evangelists on every Sunday so we could gain access into the house, especially when we needed to shoot and maybe his own girlfriend would come in disguised as a man)

⁃ They would both come to her for spiritual counseling as often as possible (because mentorship)

⁃ And most importantly, they would always follow her to camp whenever she was going (one of these two human male soon to be tenant is a Muslim)

At this point, my friend lost it and asked that she adopted them as her children and refunded their money so they could live as puppets in her house because they could not live like that at the expense of their own money.

Well, she agreed to one thing and that was refunding their money if they couldn’t live with her rules and she did in twenty four hours. It took this encounter for us to realize that it had to be landed properties before mobile ones because ‘Lagos don tear our eye.’

Anyway, the story has a great ending. My friend has gotten a better apartment where he had to lie that he’s married with an adult kid (me) on the form.

I’d rather this than having to disguise as a man to visit my friend.

While we’re here, watch my introduce yourself video here and get to know more about me.

YOU KNOW I’LL ALWAYS ASK, HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED A LAGOS LANDLORD?

 

ARE YOUR PARENTS SUCH LANDLORDS?

 

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THE LANDLADY WHEN SHE WAS SPEAKING?

 

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE IN THEIR SHOES?