Posts in Osastheking

There’s still a little bit of hope to hold on to.

Have you ever had a “God, shey me and you dey fight?” moment?

No?

I’ll tell you for free that it’s not a pleasant one.

Now playing: Jonathan McReynolds’ Make Room album.

I have avoided writing on this blog because I didn’t want my sadness to reflect but what’s the point of having a personal blog if I can’t pour myself into words.

The last few weeks has had me questioning everything because things seem to be working upside down from where I’m sitting. On my birthday, I made a post where I confidently wrote that my crying days were over but my tear glands didn’t get the memo because everyday since the death of Tina was announced, I have bawled my eyes out. Everyday.

Rest In Peace Tina Ezekwe.
Rest In Peace Uwa

I find myself crying at the slightest provocation because of how helpless I feel. Everyday since Tina’s death, a new rape case or unlawfully killing case has come up and I find myself struggling with living with the fear of not knowing if I’d be next and the fear of not knowing what I’m actually doing with my life. I recently tried to send mails to the people on my mailing list and because it wasn’t working as I wanted it to, I shut my laptop and started to cry. Is this not madness?

It’s insane how you could be on social media screaming “No means no” but in real life, street urchins are using both their hands and eyes to feast on your body before you even have the chance to say no. If you try to ‘reason with them’ and explain why what they’re doing is wrong, best believe that they’re narrating to their cohorts how soft your body is while marking the body of the next girl they plan to touch.

All of these coupled with personal struggles have made me question my sanity a lot of times. I’d sometimes sit on the floor with my belly lose and ask myself “na me be this?” because of how much I have to handle at once.

I have now mastered the art of skillfully avoiding giving people advice or talks to motivate them because it feels like I’m pouring from an empty cup. Saying “you’re going to be fine and everything is going to work out” when I don’t believe it myself seems hypocritical. I recently played around and found myself picking up interest in makeup and I discovered it was therapeutic for me, progressing from the worse to bad gave me a little bit of hope that something was still working in my life.

My first makeup attempt
My fourth makeup attempt

This doesn’t change the fact that I have let a lot doubts settle in. Doubting myself, my faith, God, my craft, my decisions, my journey, adulthood, my growth and a lot of other things have become my favorite past time. In total summary, I feel like a fraud.

Having to doubt God may or may not break you because He’s literally the first in your life and it feels like you’re disconnecting from the source. It felt that way for me but I couldn’t say this to anyone because I’d be looked at like I’m crazy. My friend had to say her story for me to open up to her because I finally found someone that could relate to what I was feeling about my faith in God at that moment.

We talked about it, we ranted , we complained and we decided that we were going to try to work towards trusting him. It’s not a day’s job and we plan to take it as slow as possible till we can get back on track.

Now playing: Sauti Sol’s Brighter days.

If like me, you’re going through what doesn’t feel normal to you, I really hope you find the strength to wade through it in one piece. I also hope that you also have a strong support system who would have your back as much as you’d have theirs.

Hopefully, we’d get through this.

Happy new month, love.

HOW ARE YOU?

HOW BAD DID THIS PANDEMIC HIT YOU?

HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO UTILIZE THIS PANDEMIC WELL?

HAVE YOU HAD TROUBLE CREATING?

DO YOU NEED HELP CREATING?

Who Made The Rules?

Hello again, the people who read my posts on this blog. I really do hope that you’re doing great because I know I am. The last time I was here, I came to complain about not wanting to graduate because I was having pre-graduate life anxiety. Read here. This time, I’m here to tell you that I’m ready to graduate because this final year life is expensive and I cannot for the life of me, keep up anymore. Who made the rules that we had to splash a lot of money into final year activities anyway.

I need someone to explain what happened in 2019 because one minute, I was wishing you guys a Happy New Year and the now, I’m being told that its time to prepare for first term School fees for kids.

God have mercy.

Now playing: The voices in my head telling me that needles are painful and I’ll have to take them today at the medical center because I’m starting my medicals today.

Osas Irianele smiles while flaunting her colored hair and makeup

Happy Birthday Otunba Adebola Birch, send me money for cake dear.

Coming here to rant about not wanting to graduate yet because I was having pre-graduate anxiety was very satisfying but to be very honest, right now as I type this blog post, I’m ready to graduate. How can I explain  how I wake up everyday to pay for what I never ever bargain for. We can’t even escape buying textbooks at this very crucial stage because these lecturers will pull the “Buy my textbook if you want to graduate card” and relax knowing that we will buy them whether we like it or not.

Also, how do I explain that we’re allegedly in the eighth week, four weeks short to exam period and I have attended more events in school than I have attended classes this semester? Rumors about us having tests this week are even flying around but these people saw and approved of us organizing and attending these events. They even went as far as giving us lecture free week(s). The heart of man is desperately wicked and if you think that I’ll read the notes that I do not have just in case there are any tests then you’re absolutely right. If you also think that I’m going to carry my legs and walk to where I’ll spend money for final year activities that won’t last forever but will put a strain in my bank account then you’re absolutely right because this is one reckless financial decision that I’m ready to make. I accept responsibility.

One thing I’m very sure of is that I’ll feed on the likes and comments I’ll get after posting pictures from my final year activities because that’s the only way I see it.

Osas Irianele bares teeth in white attire in an attempt to look good for the camera

The unsolicited break I took off my blog had me learning more about wordpress, finding other blogs and reading the content on other blogs. I found a blog that does the work of a tech, lifestyle, gaming, general health and new world information blog. Click here to read all you need to know about tech.

Creator of the Techmeyor blog
Creator of the Techmeyor blog.

By the time you get to this part of the blog, I’ll probably be at medical center taking the nurses on a wild goose chase because I hate needles so if you hear that I got arrested for fighting off nurses violently, know that it was self defense.

See you in the comment section.

WHO/WHAT SHOULD I GO AS FOR COSTUME DAY?

WHO IS READY TO ACCOMMODATE AND FEED ME WHILE I SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON FINAL YEAR ACTIVITIES?

WHAT HAPPENED TO 2019, WHERE IS IT RUNNING TO?

HAVE YOU SET GOALS FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS OR ARE YOU PLANNING TO WING IT?

WHO ELSE IS GRADUATING THIS YEAR?