Posts in Lifestyle

Adulting: Losing friends you love.

I’m going to tell you this for free. Adult friendships are important and extremely beautiful if done with the right people.

Now playing : Ojuju by Oxlade.


When I was younger, I dreamt of being an adult for the sole purpose of wanting to leave the house for work early in the morning, returning home late at night without being questioned, spend the weekend at the beach with my other adult friends, attend weddings and live my best life without being shouted at by my parents. All of these, I wanted from watching my neighbors do. Every time I saw them, I would lightly tell myself that I couldn’t wait to grow up.

Well, I’m grown now and let me tell you, I really want to be a child again, I’ll take being a teenager too if that’s on the table but adulting is hard. The only thing I’m doing on that list is living a life without being shouted at by my parent. spending the weekends at the beach is a façade because I’ll be lucky if I ever get the weekend off.

Losses as an adult carry more weight with each passing day. As a younger girl, it was easier to make friends because friendship wasn’t as deep. If your friend stepped on your toes, you would kick them off your friendship list and replace them the next day. I had friends like this in secondary school, we were four girls closely knitted and we often held auditions to determine who or what could become friends with us. Whenever we had issues, we would end up keeping malice for days till our parents intervened or keeping the kind of malice that would end the friendship. Somehow, one of us became classist to the rest of us because she moved out of the area to a bigger area and we didn’t even bother to address it, we just hurled insults at each other till we were tired and then four became three.

A few years later, one out of the three stopped talking to the two of us because she went to a bigger school and got a blackberry before us. It was going great until she told us that we were too poor to be hanging out with her, that’s not one thing a growing teenager wants to hear so we did the next best thing. We hurled insults at each other and moved on. We would later reconcile but as adults.

As an adult, losing friends like that would hurt like crazy, whether you’re losing them to the cold bloody hands of death or you’re losing them to the world, it hurts. Your chest is going to string tight and it might seem like you’re losing the air around you because somehow, someway, you’re losing a part of yourself too. Adult friendships are way deeper than they seem, it will have you baring your soul naked to your friends. You’d find yourself writing epistles or composing emails to your friends asking to hold them accountable for their wrong doings or facing them to confront the issues directly. How you all handle it might either put a strain on the friendship or strengthen it.  Adult friendships require actual commitments and intention so you find yourself treading carefully because the world is cold and their friendship keeps you really warm.

I have grown to value my friends like I value myself because I cannot afford to be reckless. enough to hurl insults or turn my back on my friends when they have the slightest shortcomings because I want to feel superior. Finding the friends I deserve is one of the perks of my adulting life I have come to cherish dearly and I do not take it for granted because we try to make adulting bearable for each other in this life of chaos by creating fun memories and living our best lives in our capacity. Adulting and friendships will teach you that its okay to make mistakes and its also normal to date the wrong people because your friends will be there when your eyes finally open and you come to the realization. There might be a number of “I told you so” but they will not leave you.

If you’re grown and you have friends who love you as much as you love them, hold them tight because friendship breakups hurt more than relationship breakups.

 Whether I’m at the beach on a weekday or I’m at YKB live singing my heart out whilst surrounded by genuine friends or I’m at the club dancing rubbish while my friends hype me up, what matters is that life is beautiful with the right ones.

In my next post, I’ll tell you about dating and heartbreaks. Until then, tell your friends how much you love them and be sure to share this post if you love it.


Read my last post here.