Adulting: Losing friends you love.

I’m going to tell you this for free. Adult friendships are important and extremely beautiful if done with the right people.

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When I was younger, I dreamt of being an adult for the sole purpose of wanting to leave the house for work early in the morning, returning home late at night without being questioned, spend the weekend at the beach with my other adult friends, attend weddings and live my best life without being shouted at by my parents. All of these, I wanted from watching my neighbors do. Every time I saw them, I would lightly tell myself that I couldn’t wait to grow up.

Well, I’m grown now and let me tell you, I really want to be a child again, I’ll take being a teenager too if that’s on the table but adulting is hard. The only thing I’m doing on that list is living a life without being shouted at by my parent. spending the weekends at the beach is a façade because I’ll be lucky if I ever get the weekend off.

Losses as an adult carry more weight with each passing day. As a younger girl, it was easier to make friends because friendship wasn’t as deep. If your friend stepped on your toes, you would kick them off your friendship list and replace them the next day. I had friends like this in secondary school, we were four girls closely knitted and we often held auditions to determine who or what could become friends with us. Whenever we had issues, we would end up keeping malice for days till our parents intervened or keeping the kind of malice that would end the friendship. Somehow, one of us became classist to the rest of us because she moved out of the area to a bigger area and we didn’t even bother to address it, we just hurled insults at each other till we were tired and then four became three.

A few years later, one out of the three stopped talking to the two of us because she went to a bigger school and got a blackberry before us. It was going great until she told us that we were too poor to be hanging out with her, that’s not one thing a growing teenager wants to hear so we did the next best thing. We hurled insults at each other and moved on. We would later reconcile but as adults.

As an adult, losing friends like that would hurt like crazy, whether you’re losing them to the cold bloody hands of death or you’re losing them to the world, it hurts. Your chest is going to string tight and it might seem like you’re losing the air around you because somehow, someway, you’re losing a part of yourself too. Adult friendships are way deeper than they seem, it will have you baring your soul naked to your friends. You’d find yourself writing epistles or composing emails to your friends asking to hold them accountable for their wrong doings or facing them to confront the issues directly. How you all handle it might either put a strain on the friendship or strengthen it.  Adult friendships require actual commitments and intention so you find yourself treading carefully because the world is cold and their friendship keeps you really warm.

I have grown to value my friends like I value myself because I cannot afford to be reckless. enough to hurl insults or turn my back on my friends when they have the slightest shortcomings because I want to feel superior. Finding the friends I deserve is one of the perks of my adulting life I have come to cherish dearly and I do not take it for granted because we try to make adulting bearable for each other in this life of chaos by creating fun memories and living our best lives in our capacity. Adulting and friendships will teach you that its okay to make mistakes and its also normal to date the wrong people because your friends will be there when your eyes finally open and you come to the realization. There might be a number of “I told you so” but they will not leave you.

If you’re grown and you have friends who love you as much as you love them, hold them tight because friendship breakups hurt more than relationship breakups.

 Whether I’m at the beach on a weekday or I’m at YKB live singing my heart out whilst surrounded by genuine friends or I’m at the club dancing rubbish while my friends hype me up, what matters is that life is beautiful with the right ones.

In my next post, I’ll tell you about dating and heartbreaks. Until then, tell your friends how much you love them and be sure to share this post if you love it.

 

Read my last post here.

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21 Comments

  1. Senami August 18, 2021 at 7:14 am

    Grateful for my set of friends. The calm in the storm

    Reply
  2. Fikayo August 18, 2021 at 9:47 am

    Loosing one of my friends a few days ago makes this whole article the best thing I’ve read in a while. Thank you for this Osas!

    Reply
  3. Oyindamolami August 18, 2021 at 10:00 am

    I’m always grateful for friendships , it’s helped me on the days when life was stifling , thankful for all of them tbh ! Friendship break ups are the worst ! You’ll legit feel your heart stop!

    Reply
  4. Sukurah August 18, 2021 at 11:27 am

    Thank you os as. This write up is what needed. I love you.

    Reply
  5. lammy August 18, 2021 at 12:17 pm

    i find it harder to get over friendship breakups than relationships and that’s why i’m very intentional w picking my friends these days. solid friendships really make you feel good tbh. grateful for my ones

    Reply
  6. Stella August 18, 2021 at 12:23 pm

    I have GOOD friends. I’m glad I have the friends I have. I always reassure them that I love them and they know I love them so much and that’s all that really matters to me the most. Thank you Osas❤️

    Reply
  7. Shivarr August 18, 2021 at 1:13 pm

    Absolutely love this. We live in a toxic world so, having friends that genuinely come into your life to be a part of your ups and downs is something everyone should cherish. I’m grateful for mines.

    Reply
  8. Riri August 18, 2021 at 1:20 pm

    Thank you for this Osas❤

    Reply
  9. Emmanuella August 18, 2021 at 1:47 pm

    My friends are so amazing. They really do hold me down. Thanks for this reminder Osas

    Reply
  10. Mo Steph August 18, 2021 at 2:02 pm

    Forever grateful for the people I call friends,coincidentally I’m listening to ‘Never alone” rn. I take my friends as the compensation God gave me amidst everything I go through, so I’ll keep pushing.
    This was a great read, You’re my friend Osas,I love you!

    Reply
  11. Oyinkansola August 18, 2021 at 3:31 pm

    Gosh…this was so beautifully put together and interesting to read.. Amazing job osas

    Reply
  12. Aishat August 18, 2021 at 5:16 pm

    Grateful for the set of friends I have, I love them and appreciate them a lot.

    Reply
  13. KARMANI August 18, 2021 at 8:40 pm

    I really loved everything about this blog story , you write so well ., it touched me

    Reply
  14. Tiwalayo oruahwo August 19, 2021 at 1:53 am

    This could not have come at a better time. I just went through the grieving process of losing a friendship i went all out for. Words were said that i got to hear about, i asked about it still hoping to give benefit of the doubt and she admitted to saying those words. It’s been 3 weeks now and I’m indifferent, which is an emotion i often try to avoid. I am in a healthy space though, and I’m thankful for the great parts of the friendship, I’ll hold on to those for comfort.

    Reply
  15. Ruru August 19, 2021 at 12:24 pm

    My heart skipped a bit reading this blog post cause I can relate a lot.. I have friends I call family and if anything happens to this particular friendships I hold dear to my heart, lmao I don’t know what I’d do really.

    Reply
  16. Esther August 20, 2021 at 2:48 am

    I can soo relate ….lost my best friend of 9yrs cause according to her I don’t love her enough and she’s tired of me… I cried like the world was going to end ….thankz osas

    Reply
  17. Subomi August 20, 2021 at 7:02 am

    I relate so much to this article; cause I do not joke with friendships! It’s really painful that most times they do not value the friendship as much as you do sometimes and they just withdraw without feeling like they are doing anything bad, and you’re left to deal with that on your own. Grateful for those who are always gon be my guys 4L

    Reply
  18. Akalonu Chiagoziem August 20, 2021 at 9:59 am

    Delayed on reading, but after seeing the reviews, knew I had to check it out myself, and it’s just the bare truth, when u see people being selfish with their friends, u know it was had getting that person in your corner and you’re not ready to share yet. Thanks

    Reply
  19. Pelumi August 20, 2021 at 2:59 pm

    We really need to take our friendship relationship the way we take romantic relationships and the friends friends in your life is the best an adult could ask for

    Reply
    1. Osas - Site Author August 21, 2021 at 9:43 am

      Exactly o

      Reply
  20. Sheda September 11, 2021 at 2:13 pm

    Came back to read this again, you are a beautiful writer Osas ❤️

    Reply

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