Initially, the thought of writing on this blog and posting on my birthday made me quite excited. I was going to routinely apologize for staying away for so long and ask that you people forgive me but honestly I’m way past that. That’s all I ever come here to write anyway.
Now playing: Senami’s “In my room” playlist.
I know I’m not the only one that gets less excited about my birthday with each passing year. I used to look forward to my birthday till I turned twenty, the excitement started to die down from that age. This year, I had hoped that I would throw a little party with my friends seeing that I had my own apartment and I would be playing host. Guess who’s sitting on the edge of the bed writing a blog post on her laptop five hours to her birthday?
if you say me, then you’re definitely correct.
I got my first birthday present two days to my birthday. It was my father who had paid me a surprise visit standing on the other side of my room telling me how disappointed he was because I had chosen to go rogue. In context, going rogue is not going back to my father’s house in Epe after school and renting an apartment of my own because no man would ever be interested in a lady that doesn’t stay with her parents. In 2020. Oddly, I felt good knowing that I had disappointed a parent because it was my first time being told that he was disappointed in me. I wasn’t so much of the star child he had grown to raise and that made me feel good.
The past one year of my life has been gone from dramatic to extremely dramatic and back to dramatic. I remember crying outside my department after my supervisor had said she didn’t remember approving the topic I had chosen. I was in chapter three and frustrated with life, that was the plug that needed to be pulled for my tears to spill and now that I think about it, I should have held those tears till I got home.
I battled with extreme sadness for months. You know the kind of sadness where its evident that something or a lot of things were wrong with you? I woke up everyday wanting to stay in bed all day and cry myself back to sleep but I couldn’t because the friends I have would never let me. I got quite addicted to sadness and tears so much that I started looking for reasons to be sad so I would listen to sad music and cry. In between sad songs and tears, I would get dms from people talking about how sad and depressed they were and I would pause my sadness and tears to help others through theirs and resume after I was sure that they were fine. It felt like madness but life could get overwhelming at times and you would wish with everything in you that you could stop being an adult. This went on till March 2020, I stopped because my eyes were beginning to hurt too much from crying. I had to bring myself out of the pit of sadness I kept digging with the help of my beautiful friends.
Its amazing how I played pretend online, posting videos of me ranting and playing around then switching up as soon as the camera was off my face. There’s a whole lot going down behind the scenes and I really hope some of you are realizing this now. Anyway, I haven’t visited that habit in a while and I don’t have plans to, anytime soon.
Anyway, today (because by the time you’ll be reading this post, it will be May 1st) I turn twenty two knowing that I have successfully gotten my parent to tell me to my face how irresponsible I have become and how disappointed he is in me, if he reads this, best believe that I would be shipped to Edo state to be delivered of this truancy.
I need to stop typing now, I’ve missed this so much and I’ll be back after my birthday to drop another blog post.
Thank you guys for sticking with me, don’t forget to subscribe to my blog.
Happy birthday Irianele Virtuous Oselumese, you’re amazing.