Lagos Landlords are absolute extremists

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If you live in Lagos and you’re trying to get an apartment, I commend you for participating in this extreme sport.

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When I said it few weeks ago that Lagos landlords are extremists, it looked and sounded like I was blowing things out of proportion but after my friend had to claim that she was married in order to secure an apartment, I thought nothing they did could ever surprise me again until my male friend went through a totally different ordeal.

He had been on about this apartment search since December and it always met him at a dead end because these landlords are not smiling with anybody’s father.

About a week ago, he was casually talking to his client when he mentioned that he needed an apartment big enough to contain all his photography equipments but he had not found the perfect one yet, she offered to renew the rent of the apartment where her sister used to stay for my friend and her brother while he continued his search and of course, who no like better thing?

In this case, the house was owned by a woman and in the briefings given to them by their agent, they had to appear before her looking like responsible young men as she was keen on who she let into her house and so they did.

They got there looking like the most responsible bachelors in Lagos. Well, my friend did but his client’s brother came as he was – unbothered.

After going round the house and getting the final rent balance, the landlady said ‘oya let’s talk’ and sat down like a Queen.

Her ground rules were:

⁃ No coming into the compound later than 8pm (in this Lagos o)

⁃ If they ever stayed out beyond 8pm, they shouldn’t even bother coming home because she would not answer them if they knocked (even our extreme parents didn’t go this far)

⁃ All visitors must be assessed by her before coming into her compound (yes ma, Access me and tell me to leave the compound)

⁃ There would be only one key to the gate and it was going to be with her, if they ever needed to go out or come in, they would need to call her first. The gate was going to be locked at all times (because she’s the one that gave birth to them)

⁃ No female visitors (my friends and I planned to disguise as evangelists on every Sunday so we could gain access into the house, especially when we needed to shoot and maybe his own girlfriend would come in disguised as a man)

⁃ They would both come to her for spiritual counseling as often as possible (because mentorship)

⁃ And most importantly, they would always follow her to camp whenever she was going (one of these two human male soon to be tenant is a Muslim)

At this point, my friend lost it and asked that she adopted them as her children and refunded their money so they could live as puppets in her house because they could not live like that at the expense of their own money.

Well, she agreed to one thing and that was refunding their money if they couldn’t live with her rules and she did in twenty four hours. It took this encounter for us to realize that it had to be landed properties before mobile ones because ‘Lagos don tear our eye.’

Anyway, the story has a great ending. My friend has gotten a better apartment where he had to lie that he’s married with an adult kid (me) on the form.

I’d rather this than having to disguise as a man to visit my friend.

While we’re here, watch my introduce yourself video here and get to know more about me.

YOU KNOW I’LL ALWAYS ASK, HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED A LAGOS LANDLORD?

ARE YOUR PARENTS SUCH LANDLORDS?

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THE LANDLADY WHEN SHE WAS SPEAKING?

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE IN THEIR SHOES?

32 COMMENTS

  1. You don’t even want to try looking for a house as a corper😭😭😭😭😭😭😭…… One of the agents legit said,I was a hoe that how can I afford such a rent if I’m a corper😭😭😭,to make things worse I’m now even 20….well,most of them really just want to see my parents before I could get their house….then I knew nobody died from squatting ☺️☺️☺️☺️

  2. Contrary to this, Ibadan is marvelous, so I just got another apartment, of course I didn’t have to lie that I was married,
    A room self contain, everywhere tiled, light bills( pre -paid meter), borehole, cleaner’s fee, ibwma bills, all for 150k, did I forget to say that it was a new house?!!
    Y’all should relocate to Ibadan, you are welcome..

  3. 😂😂😂😂😂 I can relate. The one time I was withdrawing the money for my house rent the banker kept asking is this your money? are you the owner? What are you using it for? It’s crazy how these people generally think no one can hustle and the money is always illegal same with these house owners. It’ll be like this till we build our own house.

  4. An adult kid really.

    BTW I have encountered one. My Friend’s landlord thinks it’s only appropriate for the tenants to foot the bill when anything spoils around the house(not inside their apartment oh,around) she knocks on the door when a new tank is needed, when she has to repaint, when music is playing and most importantly, no smoking.

    Nah, my parents are upright people😊

    I’ll choke on my spit or just start laughing hysterically if I was there.

    In their shoes, I’ll collect my money back also because that is not a rented apartment, it’s a suicide zone. 8pm that I’m in Lagos traffic😥😥😪.

    More landlord articles please.

  5. All these requirements and she’s not guaranteeing access into heaven? Her papa.

    Wait wait you’re the adopted kid bawo😂.

    One landlord told my folks in 2014 that we couldn’t get the apartment because we’re not Yoruba and my mom looked too young to be my mom. I was just confused. Lagos is actually mad.

  6. This story is just funny,it’s obvious that landlady is very jobless, people that have work would not be doing that rubbish.
    The fact that Even after “the lazy Nigerian youth” (as our president calls us)struggle to make something ,our sweat is still regarded as illegal.
    Osas please let’s relocate to the abroad fast😂😂.

  7. I just hope thing’s get better during our generation landlords and their annoying wahala guys can you even believe my dad said online marketing is a lazy man’s job, guy’s shld we tell him 😂😂

  8. At Ojota a single mum can’t rent a house, you have to have an husband. My mum had to tell them that her brother is her husband.
    You can’t have more than 3 children in the house

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