My body shouldn’t be violated by you

I honestly do not get the idea of periods. I also do not get the idea behind painful periods. I hate that I hallucinated all through the night when I should have been dreaming. If it’s not that this period is out to destabilize me, what was I doing in Kano with a gun, my ex and a lot of young men following me all around in the name of protection?

I woke up at 1am to take a break from that dream but I slept back hoping to wake up at 3am, that was when my madness of a dream transported me from Lagos to Kano with an existing character, new additional characters and a new weapon.

I was a terrorist in the dream.

I also didn’t wake up till 6:54am and now I’m writing a blogpost at sunrise.

Now playing: Jonathan McReynolds – gotta have you.

I had failed to announce it on the blog last week that I was hosting an event with Feranmi Okafor – THE MEET. It was our first event that held on Saturday the 24th of November. It was also the day I realized that man may fail you but God will never fail you because when at 11am, the acts invited to perform were running me crazy, I almost turned to go back home and sleep, they eventually didn’t make it but I discovered a lot of sitting acts at the event, I had the best time of my life learning from those acts and watching people speak in their accents.

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I also found it particularly interesting that sense could be made out of nonsense when I saw Ayanfe scribble jagajaga on her paper till it made sense. I know talented people, guys.

This week, we’ll be focusing more on sexual violence and how it has destroyed a lot of lives. I got to know the difference between sexual assault and sexual violence when someone narrated his story and I realized that sexual violence was the senior brother of sexual assault. Sexual violence is sexual assault coated with a lot of violence.

HIS STORY

I was twelve when I got to know that the instrument in between my legs had a lot of other functions than peeing. I was watching tv in the sitting room that Thursday morning because it was the beginning of our mid-term break for that term and my parents had gone to work.

Our househelp called me from her room upstairs and I ran because I wanted to hurry back and continue watching tv, I got to her room and I met her in her underwear, the hands of her pink bra were turning brown and her black tight was pulling out a lot of threads and attracting a lot of dirt.

“Yes aunty, you called me?” I answered.

“Sit on this bed, I want to teach you something the gateman has been teaching me.”

I obeyed, she was sixteen, I had expected that she was going to teach me our language, I didn’t know why I expected that. She undressed till she was wearing only her skin and went into her bathroom, she came out few minutes later all washed up and still naked. She asked me to lay down, close my eyes and open my mouth, I did what I was told without question and counted till ten. At the count of ten, I felt something on my face and tasted something in my mouth, I opened my eyes and tried to run when I discovered that she was sitting on my face and her vagina was in my mouth. I began to struggle to get out and in the process of struggling, I bit her.

I’ll save you the details of how she tied me up and beat me in places clothes could cover. After beating me, she took me downstairs and played my first pornograhic movie, she had gotten the disc from the gateman and she made sure I was watching with my eyes open.

She took me back upstairs to practice what we watched and whenever I refused to do something, she would beat me and threaten to poison the food my parents and I eat. I watched in horror as my penis became erect and strong, it was painful. It was more horrific when she sat on it and moved up and down.

She got up a few minutes later when I was having spasms and a white substance fell out of me.

“Go and baff” she ordered.

I got up weakly and found my way to her bathroom.

“Chuks, if you tell anybody what we did, I’d kill your parents and then use you for rituals” she shouted as I turned on the shower.

It went on till I was fifteen.

I was sixteen when I knew that I had been sexually violated against my own will.

End of his story.

This thing sounded like a lie to me until I heard other stories even worse than his. I had no tears in me when I heard this story. I see people who have been abused as survivors because I’ve only had a near abuse situation that scarred me for a very long time.

These survivors will be celebrated this Sunday and of course will be fighting against sexual violence because God forbid that more people go through the pain of being violated.

I honestly don’t know what else I’ll spend my Sunday doing if it’s not dedicating my time to a cause this worthy and of course I’d love my readers to be there. It would mean a lot.

KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN VIOLATED?

IF YES, HAVE YOU ENCOURAGED THEM TO SPEAK OUT?

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO’S SEXUALLY VIOLATING PEOPLE?

DO YOU KNOW THAT IT WOULD HELP IF YOU SPEAK UP SO WE CAN CURB THE MENACES?

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34 Comments

  1. Lagosgirlgossip November 28, 2018 at 8:37 am

    I don\’t know anyone that has been violated personally and I\’m guessing maybe its because people are scared to speak up. But then again I encourage parents or guardians to teach their children these things, I remember when I was 7 years old one man that used to help us fix the light would always be touching my butt and be promising me Pepsi or coke. I told my mum, that was the last time he came to our house ,some weeks later news came in he had raped a girl of about 10 years.

    Reply
  2. Edwin Udofia November 28, 2018 at 8:42 am

    Househelps… I like to boast of not being afraid of anybody. But I can clearly see a future without them in my family… I\’ll rather change my baby\’s diapers by myself if my wife can\’t. Before somebody will ruin my child and life for me

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:13 am

      I swear down, a lot of them are working harder than the devil. Their actions will make you wonder if the devil is in hell fire or he\’s on earth

      Reply
  3. Isabel November 28, 2018 at 8:44 am

    I appreciate everyone who has been sexually abused/assaulted and has been able to come out of it. You guys are real gees.

    Reply
  4. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:12 am

    Have you had?

    Reply
  5. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:14 am

    A very long one

    Reply
  6. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:14 am

    You should really speak up, you shouldn\’t be the one to be ashamed of being violated

    Reply
  7. Soye November 28, 2018 at 9:15 am

    Sexual Assult and Violence are topics that when mentioned give me goosebumps and bring to remembrance things that have been buried.
    But I believe every victim should be given the opportunity to speak up and out. These offenders should be punished severely to the extent they are never interested in anything sexual.

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:50 am

      I agree

      Reply
    2. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:51 am

      They need to be hung by their genitals

      Reply
  8. Ejehi Osagie November 28, 2018 at 9:18 am

    The same demons we pray against somehow anyhow find a way to our homes.

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 9:51 am

      Exactly

      Reply
  9. Lope November 28, 2018 at 9:20 am

    This is so sad, I am short of words

    Reply
  10. Kene Anyafulu November 28, 2018 at 9:59 am

    There\’s this trend of house helps doing this to minors. I had several house helps but luckily for me I was not the object of their desires. Story for another day

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 10:29 am

      Story for today!!! Come and tell me

      Reply
  11. Jacqueline November 28, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Survivors should really be celebrated, I had a sexual harassment experience when I was 11, never spoke to anyone about it until this year, those years were the longest in my life, I blamed everyone for it and actually punished them in my heart . *Lol* . Peace only came when I forgave, I remember , I still cry , I\’ve not forgotten ,but I\’m at peace. I can then imagine how these hero\’s felt during their experience . This is a worthy cause Osas, keep up the good work.
    Cheers!

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 10:28 am

      I\’m glad you found a place in your heart to forgive

      Reply
  12. Temii November 28, 2018 at 10:13 am

    I\’ve heard so many stories on this issue, house helps are the major cause of this shit anyway.

    Reply
  13. Black November 28, 2018 at 10:37 am

    I had a friend who was assaulted severally at the age of six by a neighbours house help, I was 12 when she confided in me and I don\’t know if what I said to her was enough cos according to her she couldn\’t tell her parents, I don\’t know if she has told them now though….
    But really to every survivor of sexual assault and violence, you\’re strong, speak up, it\’s really not your fault don\’t let anyone tell you otherwise ❤❤

    PS: Osas your blogs are amazing ❤❤

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 11:55 am

      Wow, do you still talk to her?

      Reply
  14. Yanfe November 28, 2018 at 11:47 am

    May God keep us all

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      Amen

      Reply
  15. Gbemisire November 28, 2018 at 12:03 pm

    Our househelp cut me with a blade on my stomach and knee, bloody scar is still there. It was violation of some sort, i still do not know why she did it. Our neigbour used to kiss and touch me when I was 9, a relative most likely penetrated when I was 8, another would use my thighs to relieve himself and a few others. These things mess with your head and although I tell myself I am okay, I just realized how much I needed to see this. Thanks Osas

    Reply
  16. Mide November 28, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    This thing called sexual assault and violence just makes me think of various ways people who commit it can be murdered.. I have two male friends that have actually been assaulted and these guys, even though they try to act strong, they haven’t been able to get over it and it’s sad.. One was his big sis friend and the other was an aunt, it’s just sad..

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 3:48 pm

      Please tell them to reach out if they can, this is crazy

      Reply
  17. Oyin November 28, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    Wow. This legit sounds painful. But some people have been abused non-violently, where they just couldn\’t understand what was happening. Also, I think peeping toms also count as abusers. What do you think?

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Anything that makes me uncomfortable is considered violation

      Reply
  18. Cheche November 28, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    This is truly annoying and Sad… I have to talk to my younger ones at home as well.

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      Please do, it\’s important you do

      Reply
  19. osas November 28, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    Amen o

    Reply
  20. glory November 28, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Damn
    I don\’t know any sha
    Have never heard but I do see stories online

    I wish I could partake in the show…. can I do anything to help? I stay around gbagada

    Reply
  21. Zaeheenab November 28, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    What an help. Sex education for the child could have stopped this tho\’. The threats are a big deal BTW.

    See you on Sunday.

    Reply
    1. osas November 28, 2018 at 11:40 pm

      If the parents won\’t educate their children, let their teachers do it without having to violate them. There\’s no shame or embarrassment in it

      Reply
  22. Bmax November 29, 2018 at 6:18 am

    Deep shit mehn !

    Reply

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