Don’t ever pray to be in this kind of situation.


Today, it is exactly a week that my mother said goodbye to this world.

Today, I realize that this whole thing messes with the mind more than you’d ever realize. I’m supposed to be sleeping so my whole head would be ready for today’s paper but I fear that I might eventually forget everything I’ve read like I did on Saturday.

I didn’t give this gist?

Now playing: Jonathan McReynolds- God is good

I walked into the exam hall five minutes after 9am and was greeted with pity stares from fellow course mates. I know what a pity stare looks like, I gave it to myself in the mirror for hours.

I had of course sang half of the note for that course during my walk to the department and I was so sure that I would kill that course like I had done its predecessors but apparently, my head had other plans.

I saw the questions and I, of course knew what answers belonged to the questions on the question paper but I had not enough strength to write them. I stared around and watched everybody write and as soon as I picked up the pen to write, my right hand began to shake and I began to write on the answer booklet.

Then it happened.

I forgot what it was that I had read.

Instead my head was filled with a lot of crazy WHAT IF questions.

What if I had to negotiate with death?

What if I didn’t have feelings?

What if I didn’t have God?

What if God didn’t find me worthy enough to call me His?

What if God did not give me the kind of friends I have?

What if God had forgotten to give my siblings strength?

What would become of me?


Of course, there was no way I was going to remember what I read at this point and there was no way anybody was going to see me helpless, it had never happened. It was my first time being clueless for an exam I read for and so I put my head on the table and I slept because I wasn’t going to risk my feelings getting the better part of me.

My mind had chosen a quiet place to become creatively inquisitive, my mind had chosen the exam hall to make me helpless. I slept for an hour straight and woke up still clueless.

I knew I had to struggle to get my mind off what it was that was bothering it but I also knew that I didn’t have the strength to and it would require an outburst, I wasn’t about to let Vincent and his best friend hand me a malpractice form so I sat there, very confident of the F I would be getting in that course. It didn’t help that time slowed itself down, looked me in the eye and dared me to do my worse.

Eventually, two hours came to an end and I gingerly jumped out of my seat and submitted like I had actually written something.

I was calm.

The voices in my head were in series of arguments with themselves but I was physically calm.

I even made jokes about it.

Now I fear that the hall would be too silent by 12pm today for my mind to handle it. This is one course taken by everybody’s favorite lecturer and it will not be in my lifetime that my mind would let my body embarrass my family, me and you.

As much as I fear that my mind would not be able to survive the silence, I plan to do this exam with Jonathan McReynolds, God and everything I’ve read in my head.

If I get through this paper, I can get through anything.






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  1. Adeleye funmilayo September 26, 2018 at 5:32 am

    Been so blank in the exam Hall ND no one to help u ND u start crying.
    I sleep in so of my exams that are very boring
    Not really had one
    Yes I have but I thank God mine was physics in 100 we just finished biology so we had physics practical I forgot everything ND started crying in the hall 30min to time up I just wrote anything . behold I had an A in the course .

  2. Feezah September 26, 2018 at 5:34 am

    All my papers this semester have had me scared to death. As the times for them draw near, I start to feel bouts of anxiety. I suddenly start wanting to pee, and I start sweating. And even when I get to the exam hall, my hands would shake for a long time before I get back to my senses. Then the time is never enough, and it doesn\’t help that I\’m a slow writer. My criminal law exam has to have been the worst! First, I didn\’t do a whole number because of time; that\’s a whole 20 marks down the drain. And even one of the numbers I did, when I came out of the exam hall and asked questions, they said the law that applied was the criminal law of Lagos state, not the criminal code of Nigeria which I had so confidently written down; sections and all. Loooool. I\’m up rn because I have a paper today. I can\’t read and I can\’t sleep either. I\’m scared as hell for this entire semester, and in advance for the coming semesters, but I know that the God I serve won\’t let all my efforts be in vain

    1. osas September 26, 2018 at 8:49 am

      I share your fears and I know exactly how you feel. To top it all, there\’s this endless pit in my stomach, I don\’t know what it\’s there for but I know I can\’t be feeding my fears into that pit because it keeps getting deeper

  3. Achike Faith September 26, 2018 at 7:04 am

    I know my worst exam experience will be todwy
    Because I\’m confidently saying I\’m tired when out of 26 PDFs I\’ve read only 8
    Nooo..i think i remember my firsr exam experience happened last Thursday;a normal question that if you wake me up from my rsleep,I\’ll answer everything but that day,i just sat and watched everybody write.I\’m just praying to God that i don\’t get an F

  4. Glory September 26, 2018 at 8:36 am

    Hmm I guess have never had a worst experience before lol

    1. osas September 26, 2018 at 8:46 am

      Scholars don\’t have the experience

  5. Lharmi September 26, 2018 at 10:11 am

    This happened to me 300 level second semester oh… after previous intensive reading a night before the exam,i read from 9-4am slept 4am and woke 8 contined from 8am till i entered the hall.. as i enteredthe hall with fear of the unknown, i totally forgot all i read,the synthesis,pathways and everything.. i eventually answered two questions out of 6 … i went back. Soap my duvet with tears and prayed oh… last week i entered a lecturers office and the man went out and left me in the office. Leaving the result carelessly… i checked for my name and matric number… i had a \’c\’ God came through… he\’d come through for you babe

  6. Sommie September 26, 2018 at 10:37 am

    Baby girl just pray…His grace is sufficient for you
    You will be fine dear❤️

    1. osas September 26, 2018 at 1:37 pm

      Thanks love

  7. Babavin September 26, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    You got me there for a moment, I saw \”Vincent\” and had to reread the paragraph keenly, asking myself if it were me. My worst experience had me go to the exam hall high, I innocently ate indomie laced with weed the night before. I legit got to the hall (dli) very late, to make matters worse, I went with course form instead of docket, I ran back to the hostel, only to get back to the exam officer telling me to \”come back next year.\” I was so unsettled, I felt tears and pee almost find it way out.

    I was soaked in sweat, my eyes were heavy. After endless pleas, by others I was finally allowed in. I logged into the system to see sentences and numbers that made zero sense. I just clicked anything, most of which were option C as I couldn\’t hold the pee much longer and my brain couldn\’t process anything. I have never been so sure of failing an exam. How I got an A till today is still a mystery!

  8. osas September 26, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    It will end in praise

  9. Chioma September 26, 2018 at 2:08 pm

    yeah, i have been in a situation worserer that this. lol,permit me to use that word \”worserer\’\’. i am not someone that would be caught chewing gum but that day my village people pinched my brain and told me,\”\’eskis me hanty,buy gum from that aboki\” so i was chewing gum in the hall, and writing the paper and then the lecturer found me and told me ,\”GET OUT OF THE HALL,YOU HERBIVORE\’\’. and thats how i stood outside for close to an hour. she finally asked me in but walai, when i went to my seat, hot piss was na catching me , i took permission and went out to do the business. Summary is, my sister, when i got back, everyone had submitted. i wanted to faint!!

  10. Chioma September 26, 2018 at 4:09 pm

    lol. yeah she did

  11. Cheche October 4, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    Chai, I remember one time after secondary school, I got the opportunity to take a scholarship exam, I had not really prepared as usual and was depending on my retentive memory to help me(Something that has faded gan). I was writing, doing my best and I just noticed that my brain was not working, I felt faint. I was just there thinking about thinking to think what I am writing, that was when I remembered that, I had not drunk water(Or eaten) all morning and I carried myself to take a 4hr exam, it was already 2hrs and my brain had given up on me (This was the first time this happened so it took me a while to realize), when I did, it was almost late, I just looked back and saw the invigilator with a bottle of water, and I asked him for it, He gave me and I continued the X and O that I was doing jahrey. Since then even if I read or I don\’t for an exam, I always drink water. Awesome blog, my first time commenting but like 200 time reading.


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