I usually would stay awake long enough to create a blog post but it’s past 3am, it’s in fact 8am on a Friday morning and my head is spinning, my breathing is on hold and my eyes hurt from crying.
Contrary to what people think, I cry too.
Forgive me if this blog post comes out rough.
I really can’t see road well.
Now playing: Nara by Tim Godfrey ft Travis Greene.
This whole week has been a whole week of emotional rollercoaster. I started my exams peacefully and was beginning to enjoy the idea of me reading for exams and gracefully going to write them down in the hall without any trouble but of course, the ghost of unilag exams didn’t fail to haunt me.
It was during my second semester exams in year one that my then boyfriend broke up with me for winning Most Popular Female.
It was also during my second semester exams in year two that my mom got diagnosed of her ailment and was admitted into the hospital. I got to write my exams with one leg in the hospital and another leg in school.
It was during my first semester exams in year three that my current ex decided that he had to call it quits too because I didn’t have ‘time’. During exams o.
I was already getting used to this exam distractions and felt that there was nothing that could surprise me anymore because if I could write those exams and still manage to maintain a gpa high enough to call airtel to mtn to say ‘call me back’ and hang up, nothing could ever surprise me.
I spoke too soon.
This new occurrence surprised the hell out of me. After getting through four papers sanely, I was making plans to pretend to read for the fifth one, I received a call from the hospital the evening after my fourth paper and it was from the front desk. She had been trying to reach my father but he was not answering his phones which was quite normal because he usually kept his phone somewhere whenever he was working, she had reached out to me to ask if I could reach him or I could come to the hospital as my mom had requested to see one of us. I sensed that she was lying because if my mom wanted me to come, I would hear her whisper her requests in the background because she wouldn’t be allowed by my mom to make that call outside her Ward. I told her that I was tired and I would come in the morning but I would reach my dad and ask him to go there. I never reached him, but he eventually got there.
I was woken early Thursday morning by my dad’s call, he had left the hospital that morning and was asking if I could come home (If you’re new here, I don’t like going home because of the distance, it’s like going to Benin). I told him I couldn’t come home because I didn’t have that money and I was supposed to see the dentist that day for my Gingivitis diagnosis. He asked if I could come to the office and I agreed in annoyance. NAHCO is not a very friendly environment.
Ten minutes after he called, another call came in and when I picked it, I recognized the voice. She was my mom’s good friend and it was usually not her nature to call me. She called to ask when I had seen my mom last and I told her that I had seen her the Saturday before. She also asked when I was going to see her next and I said I planned to go that day, she broke the ice with ‘why not go see her after you finish your exams now, won’t it be a distraction?’ Me? This same me that stayed with her at the hospital during exams last year? I told her ‘okay ma. Thank you’ and ended the call.
I was not stupid.
I’m 20, not stupid. I got the message.
My brother called me in less than an hour to ask if I had heard from my mom and I told him that I had not but I planned to go and see her later that day. He told me that he had gone outside and a security man from the industrial company told him “sorry about the death of your mom”.
I was already raging at this point because it is for this same exact reason that Epe doesn’t look appealing to me. The ability for your gist to go round without you even knowing. I assured him that it was a lie and prepared to go to my dad’s office with StyleSenami who was very available at that time of the day.
God bless the taxify driver that came to pick me up yesterday, he has to be the best driver taxify has because he waited to drive me back to school despite the delay.
We got to NAHCO at 10am and went straight to the clinic, we went to the front desk and with an all smiley face, I said “Good morning ma, my name is Virtuous Irianele…”
The woman at the desk did not allow me land before replying “sorry about the death of your mom”. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. I sat down and asked that they called my dad to tell him I was waiting for him. One thing I knew not to do was show emotions. If I was pained, it was inside my body. The amount of sorries and ‘God gives and God takes’ I heard from NAHCO alone was enough to negotiate with death for her return. I was irritated. So we left. I made jokes from everything around me and tried to lighten up the whole mood because if there’s anything I hate, it’s people being sad on my behalf but if there’s anything I love right now, it’s the fact that my mom got to see me progress from the baby I was to the woman who would do anything for her.
I loved my mom too much, so much that I always used her to boast. I would stylishly make my friends follow me to her shop just to see her and experience her niceness. I loved it when people told me ‘your mom is so small and nice’, she was a living proof that not all short people were wicked.
My mom like any other mother, would readily slap my face to reset my brain. Even on her sick bed, she wasn’t less of a mother. Everything we have today is because of what you sacrificed for us. You suffered for too long and I’m glad that the suffering is over.Such a cute fighter.
One day, I’ll write a book about you just so your legacy would never die. Until then, prepare a space in Heaven for us because it would be wicked of us to not live right here on earth after all teaching us a lot. I love you mother, my siblings and I love you too much to ever want to disgrace you, here or not. Thank you for raising us, we couldn’t have asked for a better mother💜I’ll definitely stay alive to make you very proud.
No, I’m not crying. Sand entered my eyes.
Now playing: I love you by Jonathan McReynolds (it was his 29th birthday this week. I still love him)I’ve not mourned yet and I know it will be bloody when I do but I just need the following questions answered.
HAVE YOU EVER LOST SOMEONE BEFORE?
HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?
WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SORRY FOR SOMETHING THEY DID NOT CAUSE?
WHY DO PEOPLE SEE THE TEARS AS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS?
DOES THE PAIN EVER REALLY GO AWAY?
Leave your answers in the comment section.
Don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.8