Hard guy, hard guy but…

I usually would stay awake long enough to create a blog post but it’s past 3am, it’s in fact 8am on a Friday morning and my head is spinning, my breathing is on hold and my eyes hurt from crying.

Contrary to what people think, I cry too.

Forgive me if this blog post comes out rough.

I really can’t see road well.

Now playing: Nara by Tim Godfrey ft Travis Greene.

This whole week has been a whole week of emotional rollercoaster. I started my exams peacefully and was beginning to enjoy the idea of me reading for exams and gracefully going to write them down in the hall without any trouble but of course, the ghost of unilag exams didn’t fail to haunt me.

It was during my second semester exams in year one that my then boyfriend broke up with me for winning Most Popular Female.

It was also during my second semester exams in year two that my mom got diagnosed of her ailment and was admitted into the hospital. I got to write my exams with one leg in the hospital and another leg in school.

It was during my first semester exams in year three that my current ex decided that he had to call it quits too because I didn’t have ‘time’. During exams o.

I was already getting used to this exam distractions and felt that there was nothing that could surprise me anymore because if I could write those exams and still manage to maintain a gpa high enough to call airtel to mtn to say ‘call me back’ and hang up, nothing could ever surprise me.

I spoke too soon.

This new occurrence surprised the hell out of me. After getting through four papers sanely, I was making plans to pretend to read for the fifth one, I received a call from the hospital the evening after my fourth paper and it was from the front desk. She had been trying to reach my father but he was not answering his phones which was quite normal because he usually kept his phone somewhere whenever he was working, she had reached out to me to ask if I could reach him or I could come to the hospital as my mom had requested to see one of us. I sensed that she was lying because if my mom wanted me to come, I would hear her whisper her requests in the background because she wouldn’t be allowed by my mom to make that call outside her Ward. I told her that I was tired and I would come in the morning but I would reach my dad and ask him to go there. I never reached him, but he eventually got there.

I was woken early Thursday morning by my dad’s call, he had left the hospital that morning and was asking if I could come home (If you’re new here, I don’t like going home because of the distance, it’s like going to Benin). I told him I couldn’t come home because I didn’t have that money and I was supposed to see the dentist that day for my Gingivitis diagnosis. He asked if I could come to the office and I agreed in annoyance. NAHCO is not a very friendly environment.

Ten minutes after he called, another call came in and when I picked it, I recognized the voice. She was my mom’s good friend and it was usually not her nature to call me. She called to ask when I had seen my mom last and I told her that I had seen her the Saturday before. She also asked when I was going to see her next and I said I planned to go that day, she broke the ice with ‘why not go see her after you finish your exams now, won’t it be a distraction?’ Me? This same me that stayed with her at the hospital during exams last year? I told her ‘okay ma. Thank you’ and ended the call.

I was not stupid.

I’m 20, not stupid. I got the message.

My brother called me in less than an hour to ask if I had heard from my mom and I told him that I had not but I planned to go and see her later that day. He told me that he had gone outside and a security man from the industrial company told him “sorry about the death of your mom”.

I was already raging at this point because it is for this same exact reason that Epe doesn’t look appealing to me. The ability for your gist to go round without you even knowing. I assured him that it was a lie and prepared to go to my dad’s office with StyleSenami who was very available at that time of the day.

God bless the taxify driver that came to pick me up yesterday, he has to be the best driver taxify has because he waited to drive me back to school despite the delay.

We got to NAHCO at 10am and went straight to the clinic, we went to the front desk and with an all smiley face, I said “Good morning ma, my name is Virtuous Irianele…”

The woman at the desk did not allow me land before replying “sorry about the death of your mom”. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. I sat down and asked that they called my dad to tell him I was waiting for him. One thing I knew not to do was show emotions. If I was pained, it was inside my body. The amount of sorries and ‘God gives and God takes’ I heard from NAHCO alone was enough to negotiate with death for her return. I was irritated. So we left. I made jokes from everything around me and tried to lighten up the whole mood because if there’s anything I hate, it’s people being sad on my behalf but if there’s anything I love right now, it’s the fact that my mom got to see me progress from the baby I was to the woman who would do anything for her.

I loved my mom too much, so much that I always used her to boast. I would stylishly make my friends follow me to her shop just to see her and experience her niceness. I loved it when people told me ‘your mom is so small and nice’, she was a living proof that not all short people were wicked.

My mom like any other mother, would readily slap my face to reset my brain. Even on her sick bed, she wasn’t less of a mother. Everything we have today is because of what you sacrificed for us. You suffered for too long and I’m glad that the suffering is over.Such a cute fighter.

One day, I’ll write a book about you just so your legacy would never die. Until then, prepare a space in Heaven for us because it would be wicked of us to not live right here on earth after all teaching us a lot. I love you mother, my siblings and I love you too much to ever want to disgrace you, here or not. Thank you for raising us, we couldn’t have asked for a better mother💜I’ll definitely stay alive to make you very proud.

No, I’m not crying. Sand entered my eyes.

Now playing: I love you by Jonathan McReynolds (it was his 29th birthday this week. I still love him)I’ve not mourned yet and I know it will be bloody when I do but I just need the following questions answered.

HAVE YOU EVER LOST SOMEONE BEFORE?

HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?

WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SORRY FOR SOMETHING THEY DID NOT CAUSE?

WHY DO PEOPLE SEE THE TEARS AS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS?

DOES THE PAIN EVER REALLY GO AWAY?

Leave your answers in the comment section.

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95 Comments

  1. Enemona September 21, 2018 at 11:26 am

    She was and will always be a great woman. You’re not weak baby girl and its okay to cry. I love you. May God comfort you and your family ❤️❤️

    Reply
  2. Aduni Abe September 21, 2018 at 11:36 am

    No, I haven\’t.
    I wouldn\’t know how to handle it yet. But I fear I\’d be really broken.
    I guess because courtesy demands that they show empathy. Plus, it\’s only human to be sensitive.
    I really don\’t understand why they see the tears as a sign of weakness. But even in our weaknesses comes our strength.
    No, it doesn\’t.

    You\’re loved babe. Remain the King you are.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      Thank you baby

      Reply
  3. Kingtumininu September 21, 2018 at 11:37 am

    Yes! I lost three friends between the space of five years. One died 2014 two days to Christmas and the other two died last year, November. Of course their death (Tayo’s especially), left a blow in my heart. I honestly still haven’t gotten over it but I know I learnt to live each day like it should be and there is no too much space for grieve again. He was the kindest and the nicest person in the world (I mean this fr, it’s not for the sake of Eulogy). Something was growing on his spinal chord and then he died; You know how death needs an excuse to take our loved ones away? The other died of accident, and the other was vomiting blood.
    Anyway, days will fly and you would breathe. Plus the sorry people say is just the easiest form of delivering their sincere condolences to you since they can’t help nor bring the dead back. And the sorry has so many other messages in it like – ‘be strong Virtuosi’.

    The good God rest her soul and sorry also.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:28 pm

      They died very horrible deaths, but God loves them as much as he loves you and u pray that you heal

      Reply
  4. Oluwanifesimi September 21, 2018 at 11:53 am

    Yes I have lost a precious one before
    With God by my side
    Maybe out of sympathy
    They don\’t have any clue on how dear the person was to you
    Trust me no it never goes away, but with God nd his strength built in you it\’s all gonna be fine

    Reply
  5. Anonymous September 21, 2018 at 11:55 am

    Yes, I lost my niece after her birth due to the hospital\’s carelessness. I\’ve never seen myself cry the way I cried when my brother in law broke the news of \’the baby didn\’t make it\’ at exactly 5:47am PS: all these happened last week Tuesday (11/09/18).
    I also got irritated with the sorryssssss cos it made my sister and I tear up. we\’d only stare at each other and console ourselves. I feel the best people can do is to encourage families of the deceased as some visitors that came around and encouraged us really made me feel good
    The pain is so fresh as a drop of tear fell from my eyes while typing all of this. To me, the pain never goes away immediately and I believe in the saying that \’time heals everything\’
    it hurts that an innocent child is 6 feet into the earth been fed on by worms. A child that knew nothing but innocence
    You\’d be fine Virtuous even though it would take time. God be with you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      One day, we\’ll address hospitals and their madness. For now, let\’s mourn and pray we find peace

      Reply
  6. Lolade September 21, 2018 at 11:59 am

    Osas, you have to be the strongest person I have ever met, even I, I\’m not this strong. Yes I have and it was really bad but one thing I know I\’d that if I tell u the pain eventually goes away, I have lied to you. The pain never goes away, we only find a way to live with it. I pray God grants you the fortitude to bear your loss. God bless you dear. Rest in perfect peace mummy Osas.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you baby girl. I\’m not as strong but thank you so much

      Reply
  7. Uchekush September 21, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    God is with you and the family b ❤️

    Reply
  8. XeusTheGreat September 21, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    I kept telling myself my king is a strong woman and somehow somehow she would pull through but no matter how strong a man or woman can be,The passing of a mother would shatter you and break you down. I lost my best friend too two years ago and i was very insensitive about what was going on with him but something kept telling me he needed help. I miss him so much and I cried so much. Osas you are loved and no matter the sorry\’s nothings changing,I pray God gives you the strength to pass through this phase

    Reply
  9. Janet September 21, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    Yes I have .I lost my Dad three years ago..did you say cope???I haven\’t gotten over it ,infact,I do miss him so much .he wasn\’t sick ,it just happened,there was no hint whatsoever.i don\’t think I can get over it but well,\”life happened\”. All I ever wanted to do was to make him proud ,I know it will happen someday,soon enough.i miss the fatherly love,care, everything everythingggggg , i miss his steady availability despite his tight work schedule,who drops his kids in their different schools,in the middle of work still goes to pick them up ,then goes back to work???(I\’m tearing up already)I\’ll stop here but above all ,this occurrence just taught us(myself and my siblings to be very strong and independent),God\’s not dead, we\’re living!!!.most people tend to say sorry even when they are not at fault because its \”human like\”(just to show remorse.Osas ,I pray God gives you and your family the strength to bear the loss❤️

    Reply
  10. Kingmuminat September 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    Yes I have!

    I read every single word with tears in my eyes. I do know what it feels like to lose a loved one. It feels really bad, heartbreaking and depressing, I can only imagine what losing your own mother(small god) feels like if losing a loved one feels like those! and tears is not a sign of weakness. Cry all you want, it helps. It does not mean you\’re weak, It only means you\’re getting into terms with the reality/sudden change that just hit you and you\’re ready to take the bull by the horn and move on. It is even worse if you do not cry. I get scared when people lose people they really loved and they do not cry. It simply means they still do not WANT to believe they (the dead) are gone, they want to believe they are dreaming and it\’s not real, so they try hard to block the reality from their minds but it keeps coming, lingering and guess what? they start thinking. Hence, depression.

    All in all dear, keep being the strong person that you are. You are loved❤❤❤

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:49 pm

      I actually want to believe that she\’s still on that hospital bed tbh. I\’ve come to terms with this reality and I\’ve also not come to terms with it. I\’ll be fine

      Reply
    2. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:49 pm

      We\’ll all be fine

      Reply
  11. kobo medlyn September 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    yes i lost someone.sincerly i wasnt able to handle it … it was like that was the end of the world …… it affected my health i almost lost mine
    people tend to say sorry cus they cant really relate with the way u feel so saying sorry to console you is like the only option…..
    tears never signify weakness
    even jesus wept …….
    the pain is still there
    the hole is still there

    only JESUS HELPED ME SCALE THROUGH ONLY HIM CONSOLED ME
    HE KNOWS BEST
    GOD GOT YOU OSAS

    Reply
  12. Shewenzi September 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    Now I accept it Osas. YOU ARE A KING !!!

    Reply
  13. Otunba Emeritus September 21, 2018 at 12:29 pm

    Osas, You\’re strong, you\’re the strongest young woman I\’ve heard / seen of recent (permit me to use the word WOMAN, you\’ve got the qualities of a Woman and not a Lady. You\’re strong, even stronger than I am and I pray God continue to make you stronger and bigger. You inspire me dear)
    I know for sure that God will give you reasons to smile very soon and strength to get over this soon.

    And to MAMA VIRTUOUS, May her soul rest in peace. She has done very great as a mother to have raised a child like you.

    Reply
  14. Tareila September 21, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    Have I lost someone – yes, today makez it 2yrs
    How did I handle it? – was distraught for long. It was the first time I knew death first hand… denial was long for me. Death didn\’t come with a manual so I learnt on the go. Pls let your friends help!!!
    No one really know how to handle death… saying sorry shows that they are trying to feel your pain.
    Does the pain go away – NEVER! you just learn to live with it and make it through each feeling.

    Reply
  15. Otunba Emeritus September 21, 2018 at 12:34 pm

    Osas, You\’re strong, you must be the strongest young woman I\’ve heard / seen of recent (permit me to use the word WOMAN, you\’ve got the qualities of a Woman and not a Lady. You\’re strong, even stronger than I am and I pray God continue to make you stronger and bigger. You inspire me dear)
    I know for sure that God will give you reasons to smile very soon and strength to get over this soon.

    And to MAMA VIRTUOUS, May her soul rest in peace. She has done very great as a mother to have raised a child like you.

    Reply
  16. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:40 pm

    Thank you for sharing boo

    Reply
  17. Anita September 21, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss babe ❤️ Mumsy is a strong woman!

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:50 pm

      Thanks loc

      Reply
    2. osas September 21, 2018 at 12:50 pm

      Thanks love

      Reply
  18. Opemipo September 21, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    Grief is not a sign of weakness but it’s an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity. I don’t have answers to your questions but one thing I do know is that you have given your loss words, you will keep her alive in your heart, preserve her legacy and her memories will live in your heart forever. It’s okay not to be “strong”, just breathe; that alone shows strength.

    Reply
  19. Pelumi September 21, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    Losing a loved one leaves a lasting aChe in ones heart! Acts 24:15 is a good help! Osas be strong for us! We love you!

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      Thank you love

      Reply
  20. Badmanmide September 21, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    I’ve not had to experience it.
    I pray God would be there for you and your family.
    He would continue to be with you and guide you.
    We all know the importance of a mother in a family.
    No one can take their place.
    God would act as your mother
    Take care. ❤️

    Reply
  21. Opemipo September 21, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    Grief is not a sign of weakness but it’s an emotional, physical, spiritual necessity. I don’t have answers to your questions but one thing I do know is that you have given your loss words, you will keep her alive in your heart, preserve her legacy and her memories will live in your heart forever. It’s okay not to be “strong”, just breathe; that alone shows strength.

    Reply
  22. Abisoye ❤ September 21, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    It\’s okay to cry, love. Truth is no one ever gets over it, she\’s irreplaceable.. you\’ll only learn to live with it. She was indeed a nice woman. I remember when I came to see her at the hospital and she was asking if I was comfortable and told me to have a sit on the bed. You\’re a strong woman, don\’t fight the tears or hurt (it doesn\’t mean you\’re week) let it flow, God will give you the grace to carry on. I\’m glad she trained you to be who you are today. I love you (you may not understand how much, sometimes i think I\’m obsessed, lol)❤❤

    Reply
  23. Esther September 21, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Osas, I love you dearly. Be strong for your siblings ❤️

    Reply
  24. Taiyelolu September 21, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Osas, you’re too damn strong and it’s scary. How could you manage to stay sane while writing this? I guess you’re just a very special being. Plus, you really have the best support system! You’ve legit made a family out of your friends. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It’s the way some people express pain. Virtuous’s mom is already with Jesus. Make her proud by not allowing the distractions hinder your success. Stay strong dear!❤️

    Reply
  25. Ms Maw September 21, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Babes! Trust me you will be fine especially when you know she’s in a better place. A place where there is no pain, no hustle, no struggle. I lost my mum 3 months ago to a deadly disesase and I became fine. It’s fine to cry. But trust me you will be fine babygirl. ❤️

    Reply
  26. Abisoye ❤ September 21, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    It\’s okay to cry, love. It\’s not a sign of weakness. Let it flow, the hurt, the tears. Yes I\’ve lost people and for real, I\’m not over it. Truth is you never really get over it.. You only learn to live with it. I\’m glad she trained you into being the woman you are now. She was indeed a nice woman, I remember when I came to the hospital and she was asking if I was comfortable and I should have a sit on the bed with a smile on her face.. I love you babe (you might not know how much but sometimes I think I\’m obsessed, lol) ❤❤❤. God will give you the grace to carry on.

    Reply
  27. Lesley September 21, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    Sigh. Osas
    I\’ve lost someone too (My mom) and I know how it hurts even as her only child
    Everything would be fine eventually
    I\’m sorry

    Reply
  28. Alexandra Coker September 21, 2018 at 1:26 pm

    Sigh.
    Yes I have, my aunt. She died of jaundice and to be honest, I\’m grateful that God took her away because the pain was too much for her. When she died I couldn\’t even attend the funeral because I didn\’t want to believe she died, it was a very crazy period for me.
    Baby girl, the pain never goes away but I can assure you that you\’ll be fine. She\’s in a better place now and whenever she looks down on you, she\’ll be happy at the lady you\’re becoming because you\’re a very strong woman. I have not met anyone as strong as you are. You\’re not alone love. May God grant her eternal rest ❤

    Reply
  29. Seun September 21, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    I love you osas. I love you and this will pass better days ahead ❤️

    Reply
  30. Obianuju jennifer September 21, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    Hmmm, i just started reading your write ups and i must say i love you. I also love writing too. Am sorry this is not the best time to say this though.
    I really dont think i have lost anybody dear to me, but i can actually imagine how it feels right now. God will grant you the fortitude to bear the loss dear.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 3:07 pm

      Thank you so much. I\’m glad you love them

      Reply
  31. Heph September 21, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Mama virtuous, rest in peace.

    Reply
  32. Heph September 21, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    Mama virtuous rest in peace. Osas, her mother\’s daughter, take heart God\’s got you.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 3:10 pm

      Amen

      Reply
  33. Fareedah September 21, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    I haven’t lost anyone so precious to me ..but rn my mom is on the sick bed and I cry everyday to God to spare her life for me..but seeing you this strong is really motivating me..
    Osas you are stronger than you think

    Reply
  34. Naomi Olaoye September 21, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    I\’ve lost my best friend when I was 9, and three aunties after that. There\’s no particular procedure or guide for grief…..but I assure you, the pain never goes away

    Reply
  35. Ralia September 21, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    I lost my dad and the circumstances around his death didn’t even make it easier. I used to think cause I wasn’t that close to him I might not feel it but I felt it , I still feel it and sometimes it’s hard to believe. It’s tears we will cry forever maybe not physically but internally we will shed this tear every time we remember them. Sometimes the sorries can be too much that it makes you want to cry again but that’s the best way they can reach out for you. And as for coping there’s not manual guide on how to do it but we will cope. Three years down the line and we are still coping. Some days will be good and some days will be bad but on those days when you remember and it hurts say a prayer, remember good memories you shared, go out and take a breathe of fresh air and let your mind take you somewhere else. Rip mama. Heaven couldn’t wait anymore to welcome it’s ange ❤️

    Reply
  36. Esther September 21, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    No I haven\’t lost anyone dear to my heart. People who say sorry even when they\’re not wrong are people who love you and always want to be there for you in good and bad times. They don\’t always have to cause something to be sorry for it. Tears are not a sign of weakness. The pain will go, God will be with you and your family Osas. It is well. ❤

    Reply
  37. @apii_gyal September 21, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    I\’m like the most emotional being on earth. When I saw your post last night, it got to me… I felt so heartbroken but you know what osas…you\’re definately stronger than I ever gave you credit for….
    I pray God heals you soon

    Reply
  38. Lady_stuna September 21, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    The truth is no one ever has a manual on how to grieve. The thoughts of loosing someone alone scares me not to talk of my mum. There\’s no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Best thing is to be sure you are doing her proud in anything you do. All love from this end.

    Reply
  39. osas September 21, 2018 at 3:10 pm

    Your mom will be fine. Just ensure she gets the best of treatment and she has God too. She\’ll be fine love

    Reply
  40. Susanspecs September 21, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    I lost my mom last year. During the period she was sick, you were my friend in my head. I would tell myself, if Osas can be this strong when her mom is sick, I\’ll be strong too. The week my mom died, I prayed for you sincerely. I asked for God to never take your strength away, no matter what.
    The pain has not gone, my heart still feels very heavy and I always want to talk to her. The funniest part is it\’s like she never left, I don\’t know how she does it, but I feel her when I need her the most. I still cry almost everyday, where no one will see me. But the joy of the Lord is my strength, and he will be your strength too. I am also a mother of two now.

    Osas, you\’ll be fine. I have prayed for you, I\’ll still pray for you.

    Specsdiaries.com

    Reply
  41. Lope September 21, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Its okay to cry baby, just be Strong for your siblings, they still have the strength of their mum which is very much you their sister., I remember coming to see your mum, her kindness was too much that tears started dropping my eyes. She just kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    God be with you Virtuous..
    Rest in peace mama virtuous! I am very sure you are enjoying that better place..
    I am not crying, someone is cutting onions in my office…The love I have for you is much girl.. Ever since…

    Reply
  42. Dhamiiee September 21, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    I\’ve lost my younger sister
    It\’s been a year since she passed on. She was really sick. One thing I got to realize is this life is too short. Death isn\’t something I wish anyone
    When I heared my sister died. I broke down into tears. I can\’t control my emotions. I cried a lot that day. I know how it feels to loose someone so dear to you. It\’s painful to loose a mother. I have not but I feel your pain
    God will continue to keep you and your family
    She\’s in a better place Osas ❤

    Reply
  43. Ayomidejoy September 21, 2018 at 3:52 pm

    I\’ve never really lost a loved one and I don\’t know how it feels to have lost someone so dear but I\’ve been close to someone who lost her mom and brother within a month and I can tell how sad it is, I might not be in the best position to explain the feeling but I know it\’s really sad especially with how everyone feels they have to make you feel better it\’s all sad but I know you will get through this.You are a really strong lady and I appreciate you for that.God\’s definitely got you, you\’ll be fine ❤…I love you ❤

    Reply
  44. Glory September 21, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    I\’m blunt ……. every time i hear the word \”death\” my heart becomes heavy so many questions I need to ask but the tears in my heart take control of my mouth i just stare nd wonder I don\’t wish to loose anyone ,I know, no one does
    Something happen during the last Saturday in July one of my neighbor\’s husband passed away ,everyone was like ah ah ah he was fine oh…., the wife they said ;didn\’t show any sign of sadness or weakness she was just her self like she laugh when are sympathizers are around, like she act like her husband just travel to some far country but will be back soon, anytime I see her I always ask my self is this how people feel when they lost their loved ones or is she just trying to be strong outside then inside she is like a crawling baby waiting for some cuddle or what? sigh! be strong bae I pray u overcome any challenges that will come ur way RIP to ur mum #iamslimpaige

    Reply
  45. I’m Number One September 21, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    I haven’t and I don’t know if I handled it well but I know I didn’t cry until weeks later. At the burial, I had to act like I was crying tho coz everyone was except me. But on the inside, I was really broken and just couldn’t wrap my head around it just yet.
    People say sorry coz they wanna show empathy. Plus, it’s human to be sensitive.
    I don’t understand why tears is seen as a sign of weakness, if anything it’s a sign of strength. To be able to shed it all and come back strengthened because even in our weaknesses comes our strength.
    No, it doesn’t entirely. But God gives strength to be able to move on gradually.

    Reply
  46. K.K September 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    Osas, I\’m so sorry about your loss. My Grandmother whom I was very close to died during my year 1 first semester exams (she was 82). The second blow came in my Year 1, second semester exams when my older sister also died after a prolonged illness. I really didn\’t know how to react, I couldn\’t cry, I was numb to the pain and till now I feel like I haven\’t grieved because I pretend like she just travelled somewhere and would be back soon; I don\’t ever tell people that I once had a sister who was more like a mother to me (I know I\’m living in denial but that\’s my safe place).
    I don\’t know you so well but you seem like a strong person. I know the loss would be hard to bear but you\’d definitely survive. The pain doesn\’t go away, you just live through it.
    May God grant your mum Aljannah Firdaus. Ameen.

    Reply
  47. the.shy.hijabii September 21, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    I have lost two important people in my life. Then I was a little younger though and I knew they left me with my siblings. I had serious issues handling it then but now that am grown a little I already have the mind and an brave no matter what happens.

    Reply
  48. Toke September 21, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    I am a follower and I am lucky enough that I have you as a follower too. I can remember when my roommate (she is also a follower) told me your mom was dead and I shouted and our other Roommates thought it was someone close to me and we had to explain to them that just following you feels like we really know you. You are strong and you are great

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:47 pm

      Wow❤️ this brought tears to my eyes, kenlie.
      Thank you so much Toke

      Reply
  49. Nimii September 21, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    Yes.. I\’ve lost many of the few people that mean so much and everything to me… Still healing and I pray for grace for the both of us to heal completely.. I love you OSAS ♥

    Reply
  50. Dice_xoxo September 21, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    I have always followed u on instagram
    And I see you as a strong woman, and woman of faith
    It will be fine.
    The pain never really goes away but it shall.be well
    I love you

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:49 pm

      I know Sena

      Reply
  51. Merian September 21, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    I haven\’t lost someone sooo close and it scares me anytime i think that nobody knows who\’s next. Osas you\’re a very strong King indeed and i respect you for that. God alone knows best As He is the giver of life.. Mommy is resting well in the Lord\’s bossom! Stay strong!!

    Reply
  52. Wale September 21, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Hi
    Sorry for your loss
    I hope you don\’t forget to cry later because well, pain demands to be felt.
    And never lose sight of the collateral beauty.
    Once again, I\’m sorry

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:51 pm

      Thank you darling

      Reply
  53. kimberly September 21, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    Hi, Osas! Reading your post made me emotional and I\’m tempted to say I know how you feel. Maybe not. But I lost my dad right during the registration process of entering unilag and then you\’re just watching your life and you can\’t really believe this is happening to you? Yup! That\’s how it felt. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react? Do I cry? Do I not cry? Am I angry? Am I not angry? So many conflicting feelings and emotions. I didn\’t know how to handle it. I didn\’t want anyone to be sad on my behalf, I mean..! I just felt empty. And it was terrible, b. Taking responsibility when you feel like you\’re not even ready for it, crazy stuff.
    It was hard. It still is. There are times where you\’d breakdown and cry. There are times where you\’d remember something funny your mum used to do and you\’d laugh so hard, you\’d start to cry. It\’s going to be tough. But I just want to let you know that it\’d be alright.

    People are going to offer to be there for you, let them. It doesn\’t make you weak. Don\’t push everyone away, don\’t sink into the darkness, don\’t let your light go off. Your mum would never want that! At the end of the day, baby girl you\’d be fine.

    It\’s okay to breakdown, cry, scream and be angry but you\’d be fine. I promise, you would. Don\’t rush the mourning process. Breathe! You\’d be fine.❤

    Much love,
    Kim.

    Reply
  54. Omolade Marquis September 21, 2018 at 7:26 pm

    Chin up
    Raise you shoulders high
    Stand tall and firm
    Be the best you can
    I love your spirit

    Reply
  55. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Thank you so much my darling. May the souls of the departed rest in peace

    Reply
  56. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    Love you more boo

    Reply
  57. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    Thanks darl. I hope you subscribed

    Reply
  58. osas September 21, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    Let\’s discuss it

    Reply
  59. Aduke September 21, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    I honestly do not know you but I must admit that you baby girl is a King!
    May her soul rest in perfect peace

    Reply
  60. taslemat September 21, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    you must stay strong and fight b. Always be happy and dont let anyone in the world take that from you.

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 9:41 pm

      Thank you so much dear

      Reply
  61. Folake September 21, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    101 reasons why You would remain a king? You hold the crown firmly and still keep pushing. Yoy have inspired alot of people baby girl. Keep pushing. Keep kinging

    Reply
    1. osas September 21, 2018 at 9:41 pm

      Thanks baby

      Reply
  62. Mayowa September 21, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    Yea lost my dad final day of ssce, it get easier with time and your family and really good friend\’s you become each other\’s strength so just give it time and let u grief out. Don\’t hold it down cause now\’s the time to be strong,And people say sorry cause there isn\’t really anybody they can say except that and feel it a way they can express themselves. But just know God will be your strength and he\’s always there and ready to help

    Reply
  63. Folake September 21, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    And I forgot. I lost a childhood friend. We got separated when I was like 13 die to my family\’s relocation from Jos.
    We kept tabs via FB. I never knew she was sickly am I knew was when we were kids (me being the rough dude) would tease her for curing anytime I roughened her up a little. We still chatted some days back. The day she died my mind was like lemme chat with Dami today. I even left a hy message. Only for my pop to call me and say We lost Dammy. Meeeen I cried. I was like not the brilliant Dami. Not the cool headed chick. I actually got over it when I remembered how she always wanted to play angel in Sunday school dramas (I was kindaa jealous) and with a smile I knew, she is now one of the angels. So babe girl momma is an angel guarding a king. Feel free to cry, it helps a lot but hold unto your crown cause momma won\’t like you to loose it.

    Reply
  64. Ayo_ifedapo September 21, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    so much to say.. so little will to say it..

    Just know God has your best interests at heart.. you are a strong woman and strong people cry too.. it\’s not a sign of weakness it\’s the acceptance of our human nature and the inherent strength embedded within.. I pray you find all the strength to see this through.
    You are loved and we all will be here for you.

    Reply
  65. Bulzy September 21, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    Lost a really close friend June last year. The pain I felt was tangible and I remember praying never to feel like that ever again. I was in denial for months, reading old chats(still do) and trying to send messages hoping the ticks will turn blue. I\’m still waiting. I let it out and it was crazy. A few tearsdrops when I see reminders here and there. We never really get over the pain, we just learn to live with it. It is well my dear, God\’ll grant you and yours the strength needed to pass thru this phase. Mom\’s watching over y\’all.xx

    Reply
  66. osas September 21, 2018 at 9:47 pm

    Someone that understands my epe pain!!!
    Rest In Peace to your dad, I hope we all find peace

    Reply
  67. Tosin September 21, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    Stay strong girl. May God be with you and your family

    Reply
  68. fopefoluwa September 21, 2018 at 11:27 pm

    Well march 19 2018 i lost my dad
    Well I decided to mentally shut dat side of me bcos I wanted to be strong for my mum, but deep down i know that I have been emotionally bruised like never before
    Thats actually the only way they can help at that point as annoying as it sounds sometimes it helps
    Thats how the world sees things its only those who are affected that get to see it in a different way took me a long time before I learnt that
    To be honest it doesnt, it never goes away,u will always remember like it was yesterday but guess what if uve gat lovely friends and family around you they help u subdue the pain sometimes❤

    Reply
  69. Enyinju September 21, 2018 at 11:34 pm

    Wow, I feel your pain. I lost my mon at 13 and she was also sick and I couldn’t even cry.
    I was blank about everything, I have 3 siblings and we are all girls.
    She was 10 years last month, her death made me stronger and my siblings and I are doing great today.
    It’s better but make Mama proud.
    Kisses from here

    Reply
  70. Somto September 21, 2018 at 11:42 pm

    I\’m really sorry about this. I\’m short of words. I just pray you and your family heal from this pain. God be with you and guide her soul into His kingdom. Momma is sure proud of the woman you\’ve become. You are indeed strong. You should cry all you need to, it\’s never been a sign of weakness. What\’s weak is you not showing your weakness. I love you baby

    Reply
  71. Juju_brandson September 22, 2018 at 5:39 am

    I\’ve always been a stalker, but I really need to come out of the dark and console you. I also really need to state the fact that you\’re very strong. If I lost someone I cared about, I\’d probably follow. I pray she finds peaceful resting in heaven.
    The fact you\’re still able to sit and post things up and still sound like your typical self is astonishing. I\’m grateful to God you\’re not a reck right now.
    *crawling back to my shadow corner.

    Reply
  72. Oseni Oyinda September 22, 2018 at 7:32 am

    I love you dear regardless of the fact that we\’ve not talked for a long time. I wish you\’d just talk to me☹️

    Reply
  73. Seun Kupsy September 22, 2018 at 9:35 am

    Hello, i do not know you personally but I’m so touched and I empathize with you, you may start having dreams and you hallucinate because you might not still believe she’s gone for weeks, but please take heart and engage in a lot of activities to kill the pain, it might take a while but please be strong. May God comfort you and Give u the fortitude to bear the loss, I’m a psychologist and could be of help! You can see any after some months. Love you.

    Reply
  74. Omotola September 22, 2018 at 10:33 am

    Yes lost someone close to me my favorite uncle during my NECO exam then and also lost my another favorite niece due to the hospital carelessness i was shattered and bitter, i was almost in tears going thru your post, but i know of one thing she\’s proud of you where she is and she\’s in a better position. I don\’t know need to sorry cause you\’ve heard them enough all you need are words of encouragement and i know you\’ve got good friends around you, you\’ve been strong since the one i know you back then in Proper Arsenal College when you joined music class you trying to play the saxophone i was like wow i know it\’s strong guys that play this but then not minding your small body babe you\’ve got stronger mind i salute you for that and keep being the OSASTHEKING that you are….much love and keep making mummy proud ……

    Reply
  75. osas September 23, 2018 at 12:36 am

    Thanks baby

    Reply
  76. Dimeji September 23, 2018 at 12:46 pm

    Yeah, I\’ve lost a couple of people but then none was so close.
    I used to, and still believe that people who see expression of emotions such as crying as weak are the ones who are truly weak. It\’s been a stereotype, still is by the way.
    But then I can feel it changing.
    People say sorry for things they didn\’t cause because of our society I think. Any small thing like this, somebody will just change it for you.
    On a more serious note, the real sorrys are from those who feel attached to the pain you feel then. Those who feel there is something they could have done so you don\’t feel that pain. Those who would have sacrificed so you don;t cross roads with that pain.The fake ones just want to hear gist or they\’re merely doing anywhere belle face.

    Maybe the problem is having to differentiate these sorrys.

    God be with you Osas.
    All love from here

    Reply
  77. quadri agboluaje September 26, 2018 at 9:10 am

    ❤❤❤

    Reply
  78. Oladeji December 20, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    Lost my dad. I refused to go for the burial
    I was forming hard guy .
    I feel people say sorry cuz they don\’t know what else to say , so they use sorry as sympathetic
    I believe everyone cries. Some do in public,some hold it till they alone in their room..everyone cries at some point.
    Does the pain ever really go away? ..i don\’t think so.. It just doesn\’t feel as much painful as it was…

    Reply

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