Hard guy, hard guy but…


I usually would stay awake long enough to create a blog post but it’s past 3am, it’s in fact 8am on a Friday morning and my head is spinning, my breathing is on hold and my eyes hurt from crying.

Contrary to what people think, I cry too.

Forgive me if this blog post comes out rough.

I really can’t see road well.

Now playing: Nara by Tim Godfrey ft Travis Greene.

This whole week has been a whole week of emotional rollercoaster. I started my exams peacefully and was beginning to enjoy the idea of me reading for exams and gracefully going to write them down in the hall without any trouble but of course, the ghost of unilag exams didn’t fail to haunt me.

It was during my second semester exams in year one that my then boyfriend broke up with me for winning Most Popular Female.

It was also during my second semester exams in year two that my mom got diagnosed of her ailment and was admitted into the hospital. I got to write my exams with one leg in the hospital and another leg in school.

It was during my first semester exams in year three that my current ex decided that he had to call it quits too because I didn’t have ‘time’. During exams o.

I was already getting used to this exam distractions and felt that there was nothing that could surprise me anymore because if I could write those exams and still manage to maintain a gpa high enough to call airtel to mtn to say ‘call me back’ and hang up, nothing could ever surprise me.

I spoke too soon.

This new occurrence surprised the hell out of me. After getting through four papers sanely, I was making plans to pretend to read for the fifth one, I received a call from the hospital the evening after my fourth paper and it was from the front desk. She had been trying to reach my father but he was not answering his phones which was quite normal because he usually kept his phone somewhere whenever he was working, she had reached out to me to ask if I could reach him or I could come to the hospital as my mom had requested to see one of us. I sensed that she was lying because if my mom wanted me to come, I would hear her whisper her requests in the background because she wouldn’t be allowed by my mom to make that call outside her Ward. I told her that I was tired and I would come in the morning but I would reach my dad and ask him to go there. I never reached him, but he eventually got there.

I was woken early Thursday morning by my dad’s call, he had left the hospital that morning and was asking if I could come home (If you’re new here, I don’t like going home because of the distance, it’s like going to Benin). I told him I couldn’t come home because I didn’t have that money and I was supposed to see the dentist that day for my Gingivitis diagnosis. He asked if I could come to the office and I agreed in annoyance. NAHCO is not a very friendly environment.

Ten minutes after he called, another call came in and when I picked it, I recognized the voice. She was my mom’s good friend and it was usually not her nature to call me. She called to ask when I had seen my mom last and I told her that I had seen her the Saturday before. She also asked when I was going to see her next and I said I planned to go that day, she broke the ice with ‘why not go see her after you finish your exams now, won’t it be a distraction?’ Me? This same me that stayed with her at the hospital during exams last year? I told her ‘okay ma. Thank you’ and ended the call.

I was not stupid.

I’m 20, not stupid. I got the message.

My brother called me in less than an hour to ask if I had heard from my mom and I told him that I had not but I planned to go and see her later that day. He told me that he had gone outside and a security man from the industrial company told him “sorry about the death of your mom”.

I was already raging at this point because it is for this same exact reason that Epe doesn’t look appealing to me. The ability for your gist to go round without you even knowing. I assured him that it was a lie and prepared to go to my dad’s office with StyleSenami who was very available at that time of the day.

God bless the taxify driver that came to pick me up yesterday, he has to be the best driver taxify has because he waited to drive me back to school despite the delay.

We got to NAHCO at 10am and went straight to the clinic, we went to the front desk and with an all smiley face, I said “Good morning ma, my name is Virtuous Irianele…”

The woman at the desk did not allow me land before replying “sorry about the death of your mom”. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. I sat down and asked that they called my dad to tell him I was waiting for him. One thing I knew not to do was show emotions. If I was pained, it was inside my body. The amount of sorries and ‘God gives and God takes’ I heard from NAHCO alone was enough to negotiate with death for her return. I was irritated. So we left. I made jokes from everything around me and tried to lighten up the whole mood because if there’s anything I hate, it’s people being sad on my behalf but if there’s anything I love right now, it’s the fact that my mom got to see me progress from the baby I was to the woman who would do anything for her.

I loved my mom too much, so much that I always used her to boast. I would stylishly make my friends follow me to her shop just to see her and experience her niceness. I loved it when people told me ‘your mom is so small and nice’, she was a living proof that not all short people were wicked.

My mom like any other mother, would readily slap my face to reset my brain. Even on her sick bed, she wasn’t less of a mother. Everything we have today is because of what you sacrificed for us. You suffered for too long and I’m glad that the suffering is over.Such a cute fighter.

One day, I’ll write a book about you just so your legacy would never die. Until then, prepare a space in Heaven for us because it would be wicked of us to not live right here on earth after all teaching us a lot. I love you mother, my siblings and I love you too much to ever want to disgrace you, here or not. Thank you for raising us, we couldn’t have asked for a better mother💜I’ll definitely stay alive to make you very proud.

No, I’m not crying. Sand entered my eyes.

Now playing: I love you by Jonathan McReynolds (it was his 29th birthday this week. I still love him)I’ve not mourned yet and I know it will be bloody when I do but I just need the following questions answered.






Leave your answers in the comment section.

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  1. She was and will always be a great woman. You’re not weak baby girl and its okay to cry. I love you. May God comfort you and your family ❤️❤️

  2. No, I haven’t.
    I wouldn’t know how to handle it yet. But I fear I’d be really broken.
    I guess because courtesy demands that they show empathy. Plus, it’s only human to be sensitive.
    I really don’t understand why they see the tears as a sign of weakness. But even in our weaknesses comes our strength.
    No, it doesn’t.

    You’re loved babe. Remain the King you are.

  3. Yes! I lost three friends between the space of five years. One died 2014 two days to Christmas and the other two died last year, November. Of course their death (Tayo’s especially), left a blow in my heart. I honestly still haven’t gotten over it but I know I learnt to live each day like it should be and there is no too much space for grieve again. He was the kindest and the nicest person in the world (I mean this fr, it’s not for the sake of Eulogy). Something was growing on his spinal chord and then he died; You know how death needs an excuse to take our loved ones away? The other died of accident, and the other was vomiting blood.
    Anyway, days will fly and you would breathe. Plus the sorry people say is just the easiest form of delivering their sincere condolences to you since they can’t help nor bring the dead back. And the sorry has so many other messages in it like – ‘be strong Virtuosi’.

    The good God rest her soul and sorry also.

  4. Yes I have lost a precious one before
    With God by my side
    Maybe out of sympathy
    They don’t have any clue on how dear the person was to you
    Trust me no it never goes away, but with God nd his strength built in you it’s all gonna be fine

  5. Yes, I lost my niece after her birth due to the hospital’s carelessness. I’ve never seen myself cry the way I cried when my brother in law broke the news of ‘the baby didn’t make it’ at exactly 5:47am PS: all these happened last week Tuesday (11/09/18).
    I also got irritated with the sorryssssss cos it made my sister and I tear up. we’d only stare at each other and console ourselves. I feel the best people can do is to encourage families of the deceased as some visitors that came around and encouraged us really made me feel good
    The pain is so fresh as a drop of tear fell from my eyes while typing all of this. To me, the pain never goes away immediately and I believe in the saying that ‘time heals everything’
    it hurts that an innocent child is 6 feet into the earth been fed on by worms. A child that knew nothing but innocence
    You’d be fine Virtuous even though it would take time. God be with you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  6. Osas, you have to be the strongest person I have ever met, even I, I’m not this strong. Yes I have and it was really bad but one thing I know I’d that if I tell u the pain eventually goes away, I have lied to you. The pain never goes away, we only find a way to live with it. I pray God grants you the fortitude to bear your loss. God bless you dear. Rest in perfect peace mummy Osas.

  7. I’m literally crying, I remember d first day I came across your handle and I didn’t hesitate to follow you,cos I didn’t just see a girl of 20 who loves writing & taking pictures, I saw a fighter, who wouldn’t give up 4 any reason, behind d smile I knew most times you really wanna break down but can’t because you have ur siblings watching & you wouldn’t want them or those around you getting hurt .. lost my dad at an early Age and till date d void is still there , All you have got now is memories cherish them & see it as mum travelled abroad & Lost her return ticket..
    I’m so sure she’s really happy where she is now & proud of the mother you have become..
    And don’t let dx affect your exams sis 🌹or your smile …..
    Stay strong badass strongest woman ever

  8. I’ve lost someone. my dad passed on when I was 11.People around as at then would be like you’re still young and can’t understand what is going on. mehn fuck them, I was the closest to the guy after my mum and it touched my bone marrow. i must have been young but I was no fool, it all happened before my eyes there’s no way I’d forget that.
    which child forgets a dad who was like a mum to him.Well to avoid pple telling me sorry all the time I never cried in front of the visiting crowd or friends. not even my mum saw me cry tho tears ain’t a sign of weakness tbh.
    I just got out of the seasonal depression the memories bring and focus on what makes me happy. last year was the peak of the sadness, I was on the verge of breaking down. thanks to friends who’ll never desert and God in heaven for comfort.
    does the pain go away🤐 I can’t assure u that for now,nothing can feel that gap but u must focus on what makes u happy, when the going gets tough, just look for someone to talk to and pray. sometimes crying relieves the pain cus u may just feel like crying for no reason, take a walk, try not to be alone (trust me sometimes i felt like hurting myself not kill myself tho😂😂 I still love life). The pain will shape u, but don’t let it overshadow u.
    Whenever I feel the pain coming back, I do things I love like workout, play, listen to music, see one ’em frustrating girls 😂 that’ll make me laugh my ass out.
    I’ve never shared my story on social media this much before. i hope u find it useful. Take care of urself dear. May God grant her eternal rest.
    ✍️Okorisa Jeremiah

  9. I have twice…three years back and I just lost one on Sunday too… grandparents tho even still I was broken because they are family despite the old age and all… I wouldn’t forget the memories we all shared together… How did I handle it? Well I cried like a lot but in private I really hate crying in public and people feeling sorry for me like it’s their fault… It is a way of communicating one’s empathy. To me crying is a sign of strength, and not weakness…it reduces emotional stress. It’s just a matter of time and the pain will go away baby girl… I love you❤ and I know you’re strong💪.

  10. I kept telling myself my king is a strong woman and somehow somehow she would pull through but no matter how strong a man or woman can be,The passing of a mother would shatter you and break you down. I lost my best friend too two years ago and i was very insensitive about what was going on with him but something kept telling me he needed help. I miss him so much and I cried so much. Osas you are loved and no matter the sorry’s nothings changing,I pray God gives you the strength to pass through this phase

  11. Yes I have .I lost my Dad three years ago..did you say cope???I haven’t gotten over it ,infact,I do miss him so much .he wasn’t sick ,it just happened,there was no hint whatsoever.i don’t think I can get over it but well,”life happened”. All I ever wanted to do was to make him proud ,I know it will happen someday,soon enough.i miss the fatherly love,care, everything everythingggggg , i miss his steady availability despite his tight work schedule,who drops his kids in their different schools,in the middle of work still goes to pick them up ,then goes back to work???(I’m tearing up already)I’ll stop here but above all ,this occurrence just taught us(myself and my siblings to be very strong and independent),God’s not dead, we’re living!!!.most people tend to say sorry even when they are not at fault because its “human like”(just to show remorse.Osas ,I pray God gives you and your family the strength to bear the loss❤️

  12. Yes I have!

    I read every single word with tears in my eyes. I do know what it feels like to lose a loved one. It feels really bad, heartbreaking and depressing, I can only imagine what losing your own mother(small god) feels like if losing a loved one feels like those! and tears is not a sign of weakness. Cry all you want, it helps. It does not mean you’re weak, It only means you’re getting into terms with the reality/sudden change that just hit you and you’re ready to take the bull by the horn and move on. It is even worse if you do not cry. I get scared when people lose people they really loved and they do not cry. It simply means they still do not WANT to believe they (the dead) are gone, they want to believe they are dreaming and it’s not real, so they try hard to block the reality from their minds but it keeps coming, lingering and guess what? they start thinking. Hence, depression.

    All in all dear, keep being the strong person that you are. You are loved❤❤❤

  13. yes i lost someone.sincerly i wasnt able to handle it … it was like that was the end of the world …… it affected my health i almost lost mine
    people tend to say sorry cus they cant really relate with the way u feel so saying sorry to console you is like the only option…..
    tears never signify weakness
    even jesus wept …….
    the pain is still there
    the hole is still there


  14. Osas, You’re strong, you’re the strongest young woman I’ve heard / seen of recent (permit me to use the word WOMAN, you’ve got the qualities of a Woman and not a Lady. You’re strong, even stronger than I am and I pray God continue to make you stronger and bigger. You inspire me dear)
    I know for sure that God will give you reasons to smile very soon and strength to get over this soon.

    And to MAMA VIRTUOUS, May her soul rest in peace. She has done very great as a mother to have raised a child like you.

  15. Have I lost someone – yes, today makez it 2yrs
    How did I handle it? – was distraught for long. It was the first time I knew death first hand… denial was long for me. Death didn’t come with a manual so I learnt on the go. Pls let your friends help!!!
    No one really know how to handle death… saying sorry shows that they are trying to feel your pain.
    Does the pain go away – NEVER! you just learn to live with it and make it through each feeling.

  16. Osas, You’re strong, you must be the strongest young woman I’ve heard / seen of recent (permit me to use the word WOMAN, you’ve got the qualities of a Woman and not a Lady. You’re strong, even stronger than I am and I pray God continue to make you stronger and bigger. You inspire me dear)
    I know for sure that God will give you reasons to smile very soon and strength to get over this soon.

    And to MAMA VIRTUOUS, May her soul rest in peace. She has done very great as a mother to have raised a child like you.

  17. Grief is not a sign of weakness but it’s an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity. I don’t have answers to your questions but one thing I do know is that you have given your loss words, you will keep her alive in your heart, preserve her legacy and her memories will live in your heart forever. It’s okay not to be “strong”, just breathe; that alone shows strength.

  18. I’ve not had to experience it.
    I pray God would be there for you and your family.
    He would continue to be with you and guide you.
    We all know the importance of a mother in a family.
    No one can take their place.
    God would act as your mother
    Take care. ❤️

  19. Grief is not a sign of weakness but it’s an emotional, physical, spiritual necessity. I don’t have answers to your questions but one thing I do know is that you have given your loss words, you will keep her alive in your heart, preserve her legacy and her memories will live in your heart forever. It’s okay not to be “strong”, just breathe; that alone shows strength.

  20. We share a couple of mutual friends so I clicked on your handle out of curiosity,thankfully the cat still lives.
    You’re strong, you’ll mourn, you’ll remember her when it gets hard sometimes but you’ll be fine because you’re so strong. I know this because I’ve grieved too, I lost my dad at 18 and 6years later with every single passing day it really gets better. You have amazing friends so trust me you’ll be fine.
    And surely, she’s in a better place.

    All my love babygirl!💕

  21. It’s okay to cry, love. Truth is no one ever gets over it, she’s irreplaceable.. you’ll only learn to live with it. She was indeed a nice woman. I remember when I came to see her at the hospital and she was asking if I was comfortable and told me to have a sit on the bed. You’re a strong woman, don’t fight the tears or hurt (it doesn’t mean you’re week) let it flow, God will give you the grace to carry on. I’m glad she trained you to be who you are today. I love you (you may not understand how much, sometimes i think I’m obsessed, lol)❤❤

  22. Even at this moment, you remain such a solid figure of inspiration. I pray you never lose your “spark”
    My sincere condolences dear. (honestly, saying sorry is just a way of telling you that we might not be the ones that are feeling the pain, but we empathize very deeply). 💜💜💜
    You can cry, you’ve given enough smiles to the world already, no one (that’s sane) will see it as a sign of weakness.

    God’s got you Osas.

  23. Osas, you’re too damn strong and it’s scary. How could you manage to stay sane while writing this? I guess you’re just a very special being. Plus, you really have the best support system! You’ve legit made a family out of your friends. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It’s the way some people express pain. Virtuous’s mom is already with Jesus. Make her proud by not allowing the distractions hinder your success. Stay strong dear!❤️

  24. Babes! Trust me you will be fine especially when you know she’s in a better place. A place where there is no pain, no hustle, no struggle. I lost my mum 3 months ago to a deadly disesase and I became fine. It’s fine to cry. But trust me you will be fine babygirl. ❤️

  25. It’s okay to cry, love. It’s not a sign of weakness. Let it flow, the hurt, the tears. Yes I’ve lost people and for real, I’m not over it. Truth is you never really get over it.. You only learn to live with it. I’m glad she trained you into being the woman you are now. She was indeed a nice woman, I remember when I came to the hospital and she was asking if I was comfortable and I should have a sit on the bed with a smile on her face.. I love you babe (you might not know how much but sometimes I think I’m obsessed, lol) ❤❤❤. God will give you the grace to carry on.

  26. Sigh. Osas
    I’ve lost someone too (My mom) and I know how it hurts even as her only child
    Everything would be fine eventually
    I’m sorry

  27. Sigh.
    Yes I have, my aunt. She died of jaundice and to be honest, I’m grateful that God took her away because the pain was too much for her. When she died I couldn’t even attend the funeral because I didn’t want to believe she died, it was a very crazy period for me.
    Baby girl, the pain never goes away but I can assure you that you’ll be fine. She’s in a better place now and whenever she looks down on you, she’ll be happy at the lady you’re becoming because you’re a very strong woman. I have not met anyone as strong as you are. You’re not alone love. May God grant her eternal rest ❤

  28. Hmmm, i just started reading your write ups and i must say i love you. I also love writing too. Am sorry this is not the best time to say this though.
    I really dont think i have lost anybody dear to me, but i can actually imagine how it feels right now. God will grant you the fortitude to bear the loss dear.

  29. No, I haven’t 😭 My mum’s been really sick of late, I’m so scared. The plan was to come to I.G to see stories and laugh as usual when I saw it and it’s just been a bitter day. Those that die on Thursdays go to heaven bbg. May God be with you Osas. May God be with you. Stay strong❤❤ I love youuuu.
    See you at the top😭😭😭❤

  30. Yes I have, he was my favorite cousin, my elder brother my everything. Being the only child is so lonely but with him I never felt like one
    I still remember how I got the news
    I sat and stood up after some mins like I heard nothing I never believed it was real until after the burial I couldn’t even contain myself.

    To be honest I don’t even know how I handled it.

    Maybe it’s our way of saying we are here for you, tho most times we don’t even understand the pain.

    I don’t believe crying is a sign of weakness for everybody, we all handle things differently.

    Does the pain really go away?
    I still don’t know
    I think we just live with it

    You are really strong and you will get through this
    God be with you and your family💜

  31. I haven’t lost anyone so precious to me ..but rn my mom is on the sick bed and I cry everyday to God to spare her life for me..but seeing you this strong is really motivating me..
    Osas you are stronger than you think

  32. Yes I have, my dad. When I was 5.

    I was quite young so it never really dawned on me except on all them open days for primary school and visiting days for secondary. Plus the fact that my mother has been AMAZING. I still don’t know how she does it.

    I think people say sorry cuz that’s basically the only way of being sympathetic

    The pain never goes away. It gets better, you feel better but it doesn’t disappear. You begin to feel better when you realize that there’s a reason for everything and God never gives you something you can’t handle.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  33. I lost my dad and the circumstances around his death didn’t even make it easier. I used to think cause I wasn’t that close to him I might not feel it but I felt it , I still feel it and sometimes it’s hard to believe. It’s tears we will cry forever maybe not physically but internally we will shed this tear every time we remember them. Sometimes the sorries can be too much that it makes you want to cry again but that’s the best way they can reach out for you. And as for coping there’s not manual guide on how to do it but we will cope. Three years down the line and we are still coping. Some days will be good and some days will be bad but on those days when you remember and it hurts say a prayer, remember good memories you shared, go out and take a breathe of fresh air and let your mind take you somewhere else. Rip mama. Heaven couldn’t wait anymore to welcome it’s ange ❤️

  34. No I haven’t lost anyone dear to my heart. People who say sorry even when they’re not wrong are people who love you and always want to be there for you in good and bad times. They don’t always have to cause something to be sorry for it. Tears are not a sign of weakness. The pain will go, God will be with you and your family Osas. It is well. ❤

  35. I’m like the most emotional being on earth. When I saw your post last night, it got to me… I felt so heartbroken but you know what osas…you’re definately stronger than I ever gave you credit for….
    I pray God heals you soon

  36. The truth is no one ever has a manual on how to grieve. The thoughts of loosing someone alone scares me not to talk of my mum. There’s no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Best thing is to be sure you are doing her proud in anything you do. All love from this end.

  37. I lost my mom last year. During the period she was sick, you were my friend in my head. I would tell myself, if Osas can be this strong when her mom is sick, I’ll be strong too. The week my mom died, I prayed for you sincerely. I asked for God to never take your strength away, no matter what.
    The pain has not gone, my heart still feels very heavy and I always want to talk to her. The funniest part is it’s like she never left, I don’t know how she does it, but I feel her when I need her the most. I still cry almost everyday, where no one will see me. But the joy of the Lord is my strength, and he will be your strength too. I am also a mother of two now.

    Osas, you’ll be fine. I have prayed for you, I’ll still pray for you.


    • My God💔💔 Rest In Peace to your mom. This whole post has made me realize that I’m not alone in this and I’m grateful to God for your strength. It’s amazing.
      Thank you so much for sharing

  38. Its okay to cry baby, just be Strong for your siblings, they still have the strength of their mum which is very much you their sister., I remember coming to see your mum, her kindness was too much that tears started dropping my eyes. She just kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    God be with you Virtuous..
    Rest in peace mama virtuous! I am very sure you are enjoying that better place..
    I am not crying, someone is cutting onions in my office…The love I have for you is much girl.. Ever since…

  39. Yes I have lost someone, my dad when I was 5. I’m 20 now.

    I remember crying every time I saw kids with their dads. Especially on visiting days and open days days when I was in primary school. My mum was AMAZING throughout and she tried to make sure we didn’t feel his absence so much. She actually outdid herself.

    The pain never really goes away. It gets better. You feel better but it never disappears completely and you only begin to feel better when you realize God actually does have a reason for everything and will never give you something you can’t handle.

    May your mum’s soul Rest In Peace

    And I hope you remain strong and you feel better really soon

  40. I’ve lost my younger sister
    It’s been a year since she passed on. She was really sick. One thing I got to realize is this life is too short. Death isn’t something I wish anyone
    When I heared my sister died. I broke down into tears. I can’t control my emotions. I cried a lot that day. I know how it feels to loose someone so dear to you. It’s painful to loose a mother. I have not but I feel your pain
    God will continue to keep you and your family
    She’s in a better place Osas ❤

  41. I’ve never really lost a loved one and I don’t know how it feels to have lost someone so dear but I’ve been close to someone who lost her mom and brother within a month and I can tell how sad it is, I might not be in the best position to explain the feeling but I know it’s really sad especially with how everyone feels they have to make you feel better it’s all sad but I know you will get through this.You are a really strong lady and I appreciate you for that.God’s definitely got you, you’ll be fine ❤…I love you ❤

  42. Lost my dad just last month and it was the worst ever. It was very hard to handle but God kept us and I’m certain he would also keep you and your siblings
    I can relate to how you’re feeling right now. Please cry if you have to
    Seeing as you’re the first born, everyone will be telling you to be strong and not cry in front of your siblings but you have to cry because it will keep hurting your heart if you don’t let the emotions out. So please cry if you feel like. It’s also very normal for people to keep saying sorry and most times , you’d get angry and want to fight your mum and be like “why did you have to leave like this and allow people keep saying sorry” but just know that God knows the best
    I’m sending you love and light l, I’m certain God will see you through💞. I also hope you respond to my dm on Instagram as I have a message for you there. Thank you

  43. I’m blunt ……. every time i hear the word “death” my heart becomes heavy so many questions I need to ask but the tears in my heart take control of my mouth i just stare nd wonder I don’t wish to loose anyone ,I know, no one does
    Something happen during the last Saturday in July one of my neighbor’s husband passed away ,everyone was like ah ah ah he was fine oh…., the wife they said ;didn’t show any sign of sadness or weakness she was just her self like she laugh when are sympathizers are around, like she act like her husband just travel to some far country but will be back soon, anytime I see her I always ask my self is this how people feel when they lost their loved ones or is she just trying to be strong outside then inside she is like a crawling baby waiting for some cuddle or what? sigh! be strong bae I pray u overcome any challenges that will come ur way RIP to ur mum #iamslimpaige

  44. I haven’t and I don’t know if I handled it well but I know I didn’t cry until weeks later. At the burial, I had to act like I was crying tho coz everyone was except me. But on the inside, I was really broken and just couldn’t wrap my head around it just yet.
    People say sorry coz they wanna show empathy. Plus, it’s human to be sensitive.
    I don’t understand why tears is seen as a sign of weakness, if anything it’s a sign of strength. To be able to shed it all and come back strengthened because even in our weaknesses comes our strength.
    No, it doesn’t entirely. But God gives strength to be able to move on gradually.

  45. Osas, I’m so sorry about your loss. My Grandmother whom I was very close to died during my year 1 first semester exams (she was 82). The second blow came in my Year 1, second semester exams when my older sister also died after a prolonged illness. I really didn’t know how to react, I couldn’t cry, I was numb to the pain and till now I feel like I haven’t grieved because I pretend like she just travelled somewhere and would be back soon; I don’t ever tell people that I once had a sister who was more like a mother to me (I know I’m living in denial but that’s my safe place).
    I don’t know you so well but you seem like a strong person. I know the loss would be hard to bear but you’d definitely survive. The pain doesn’t go away, you just live through it.
    May God grant your mum Aljannah Firdaus. Ameen.

  46. I lost my two grams at a space of 2months. They seems to be the best two old folks i’ve ever known but then,death snatched dem from me. I would have been so many things if dey were still alive bit then,all glory to God. I lost my closest cousin to the cold hands of death too. Still havent recovered from that shock and pain cos i see her in all i do everyday. Henceforth when i hear d word STRENGTH,i will think of no one but u Osas. Damn girl,u r so strong. Mama truly raised a Qing. But believe me,she is in a better place and i know she is rest assured ur siblings and dad are in good hands cos i know u r more dan capable. Cry baby,hit d wall,kick the pillow but den,dont stop being strong. I have not met u but I LOVE YOU 💛

  47. I lost my dad. He was really sick so I was kind of expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Doesn’t mean expecting the worst makes the loss any better.
    How I handled it?…..I honestly don’t know…I just knew I had to be strong for my sister and my mum cause if I wasn’t I was leaving the decisions of the ‘event’ to be made by other people. I was hiding my emotions because I was scared people will push me to the back row and I didn’t want that, I wanted to be there for him till the very end (and this was just the beginning). Handling it is a thing of forever.
    People usually don’t know what to say. I’ve lost someone and still don’t know what to say to people experiencing it……so people just end up saying sorry. It was the hugs I hated…
    I don’t why people see tears as a sign of weakness but you just have to show them that it’s not…and no matter how much you cry you’re still totally capable of handling everything because you are 😘😘
    For close to a year I thought I saw my dad everywhere, of course I knew it wasn’t him but I just saw resemblances in different people… the thought was constant on my mind….. with time there will be days you go without thinking about it and then out of the blues even after 100years a day will come and you’ll just start crying and thinking…The loss of someone dear to you does that….
    I don’t know if I answered your questions or if it helped in any way… But I know God is with you and for that reason alone you’re more than strong enough to go through this experience. I know you’ll be fine baby girl ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  48. I have lost two important people in my life. Then I was a little younger though and I knew they left me with my siblings. I had serious issues handling it then but now that am grown a little I already have the mind and an brave no matter what happens.

  49. This is my first time visiting your blog though and I really liked what I met. Keep the good work going dear. The lord is your strength b. Love from here. By the way, remember your mum loves you uhnn be strong b💝💓

  50. I am a follower and I am lucky enough that I have you as a follower too. I can remember when my roommate (she is also a follower) told me your mom was dead and I shouted and our other Roommates thought it was someone close to me and we had to explain to them that just following you feels like we really know you. You are strong and you are great

  51. Hi Osas, my name is Zaynab and I know you but you don’t and I secretly admire your hair plus you’re a friend of a friend never knew you run a blog
      Lost my mum 5th of December last year with no sickness whatsoever. We all said goodnight, she woke up midnight trying to breathe, I reluctantly stood up thinking she would get through it but I was wrong she asked that she went to toilet, barely took two steps then slumped on the chair with tears in her eyes she looked at me, my brother and father and gave her last breath in my arms. I felt numb for a moment, someone I spoke to the previous night that she would stop working as I would set up a business so why would you leave me at the time I’m supposed to start taking care of you.
       Too much stories,  thing is love, there’s nothing anyone can say to console you except you and God, it’s very very hard,  trust me you can’t  forget her you can only get used to the fact that you won’t see her again but can only feel her and once you get to that stage, nothing in life will ever freak you again. It’d forever be fresh for as long as you live but you need to put yourself in that place where you can only smile and pray for her anytime you remember her. I don’t know you but I know you’d be a strong woman, try not to let depression set, don’t be friends with silence, speak to anybody around you anytime you feel down, shit feels good don’t go and be adding weight like me. Lol..
      Lastly talk to yourself and talk to God and everything will be fine, and He’d def give you reasons to smile again.  God be with you 💜💜

  52. Yes.. I’ve lost many of the few people that mean so much and everything to me… Still healing and I pray for grace for the both of us to heal completely.. I love you OSAS ♥

  53. I have always followed u on instagram
    And I see you as a strong woman, and woman of faith
    It will be fine.
    The pain never really goes away but it shall.be well
    I love you

  54. I’ve lost a friend I didn’t get to meet, may her soul rest in peace. At first I didn’t cry until later that day, the last conversation with her just triggered this tears, I cried like a baby. I didn’t even believe I was crying and I felt strange but after the outburst there came this unexplainable relief and later later on in life I learnt that hiding your emotions isn’t good because later on those emotions will haunt you. Even my mum told me about a story of how her mother died and she didn’t cry when everyone was crying and when later she cried it was really brutal.

    Osas losing someone we love is part of what we are born to experience as humans sometimes this lose comes when this loved ones are old but at times this lose come during the times we don’t want to loose them it’s part of life we as humans just need to deal with it mourn the lose and move on.
    I know you are strong and would recover from this huge lose.
    All the best in your papers Osas the 👑.

  55. I haven’t lost someone sooo close and it scares me anytime i think that nobody knows who’s next. Osas you’re a very strong King indeed and i respect you for that. God alone knows best As He is the giver of life.. Mommy is resting well in the Lord’s bossom! Stay strong!!

  56. Hi
    Sorry for your loss
    I hope you don’t forget to cry later because well, pain demands to be felt.
    And never lose sight of the collateral beauty.
    Once again, I’m sorry

  57. Hi, Osas! Reading your post made me emotional and I’m tempted to say I know how you feel. Maybe not. But I lost my dad right during the registration process of entering unilag and then you’re just watching your life and you can’t really believe this is happening to you? Yup! That’s how it felt. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react? Do I cry? Do I not cry? Am I angry? Am I not angry? So many conflicting feelings and emotions. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t want anyone to be sad on my behalf, I mean..! I just felt empty. And it was terrible, b. Taking responsibility when you feel like you’re not even ready for it, crazy stuff.
    It was hard. It still is. There are times where you’d breakdown and cry. There are times where you’d remember something funny your mum used to do and you’d laugh so hard, you’d start to cry. It’s going to be tough. But I just want to let you know that it’d be alright.

    People are going to offer to be there for you, let them. It doesn’t make you weak. Don’t push everyone away, don’t sink into the darkness, don’t let your light go off. Your mum would never want that! At the end of the day, baby girl you’d be fine.

    It’s okay to breakdown, cry, scream and be angry but you’d be fine. I promise, you would. Don’t rush the mourning process. Breathe! You’d be fine.❤

    Much love,

  58. 101 reasons why You would remain a king? You hold the crown firmly and still keep pushing. Yoy have inspired alot of people baby girl. Keep pushing. Keep kinging

  59. Yea lost my dad final day of ssce, it get easier with time and your family and really good friend’s you become each other’s strength so just give it time and let u grief out. Don’t hold it down cause now’s the time to be strong,And people say sorry cause there isn’t really anybody they can say except that and feel it a way they can express themselves. But just know God will be your strength and he’s always there and ready to help

  60. And I forgot. I lost a childhood friend. We got separated when I was like 13 die to my family’s relocation from Jos.
    We kept tabs via FB. I never knew she was sickly am I knew was when we were kids (me being the rough dude) would tease her for curing anytime I roughened her up a little. We still chatted some days back. The day she died my mind was like lemme chat with Dami today. I even left a hy message. Only for my pop to call me and say We lost Dammy. Meeeen I cried. I was like not the brilliant Dami. Not the cool headed chick. I actually got over it when I remembered how she always wanted to play angel in Sunday school dramas (I was kindaa jealous) and with a smile I knew, she is now one of the angels. So babe girl momma is an angel guarding a king. Feel free to cry, it helps a lot but hold unto your crown cause momma won’t like you to loose it.

  61. so much to say.. so little will to say it..

    Just know God has your best interests at heart.. you are a strong woman and strong people cry too.. it’s not a sign of weakness it’s the acceptance of our human nature and the inherent strength embedded within.. I pray you find all the strength to see this through.
    You are loved and we all will be here for you.

  62. tears dropping……. Babe I had this strong feeling she will be okay… And hoping to come to the survival party with Deji and the Rccg BGP people that knows u…stay strong sweetheart… This is the time you will know God really exists… Watch him show ywhy he is almighty God… All will be well….. The fact is she is resting in that mansion in heaven…. I love you Osas

  63. I don’t really know how it feels to lose a dear one but I’m certain it’s a pain that won’t ease of easily. I’m really sorry for your loss. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but your posts lighten up my mood most of the time and it saddens me that you’re feeling so much pain especially at this time of exams. She is in a better place, away from the chaos of the world especially our Nigeria. She is proud of you, proud of what you’ve become and of course would still be proud of what you’d achieve. Stay strong Osas!💕💕

  64. Lost a really close friend June last year. The pain I felt was tangible and I remember praying never to feel like that ever again. I was in denial for months, reading old chats(still do) and trying to send messages hoping the ticks will turn blue. I’m still waiting. I let it out and it was crazy. A few tearsdrops when I see reminders here and there. We never really get over the pain, we just learn to live with it. It is well my dear, God’ll grant you and yours the strength needed to pass thru this phase. Mom’s watching over y’all.xx

  65. I was literally emotional even if I tried not to be lost my dad to suicide haven’t done so much healing buh God strengthen he will strengthen you #osas I love u from a distance 💙

  66. I lost my dad too last year in the same Epe and it was easy for gist to spread round cause they live and breathe on people’s gist. I didn’t cry through out the whole process, from when he died , to when I went to see him at the morgue , to when they put his body in the grave , till when we poured sand and it was sealed. I felt nothing like being the strong girl I was. Until one faithful day my chest started paining me and I remembered all what my dad taught me and times he’ll scold me for no reason and also make me laugh. I cried till I could not see no more. The pain goes away but we will never forget their impacts in our lives. I pray that during this time the Lord will give you and your siblings strength and make you excel in everything you . God bless you OsastheKing 💖

  67. I really don’t know you in person, I’ve only met you once when you came to ilorin for the event and I came to you to relay Feezah’s message. TBH, I just liked your spirit because I think it was around then you were soliciting for funds for your mum’s treatment and I saw how you were holding up. I’ve lost about 2 people close to me, that’s first my immediate younger brother and then my uncle last September and I know how I was broken at the latter, it really isn’t a very good feeling and it’s so sad. You wake up everyday remembering you can no longer see that person,you can no longer argue with them, piss them off or have them piss you off and all of that feeling, especially if the person made great impact in your life, I’m still not over my uncle’s death, he died as a result of nonchalant attitude from government hospital doctors ,another talk for another day.
    I’m not here to even tell you not to be sad or you shouldn’t grieve because it’s not something you can help but do. Please cry as much as you can and get over yourself. The Lord will continually be with you. Be blessed babe 🌹. We don’t know each other but I adore you and your spirit.

  68. Well march 19 2018 i lost my dad
    Well I decided to mentally shut dat side of me bcos I wanted to be strong for my mum, but deep down i know that I have been emotionally bruised like never before
    Thats actually the only way they can help at that point as annoying as it sounds sometimes it helps
    Thats how the world sees things its only those who are affected that get to see it in a different way took me a long time before I learnt that
    To be honest it doesnt, it never goes away,u will always remember like it was yesterday but guess what if uve gat lovely friends and family around you they help u subdue the pain sometimes❤

  69. Wow, I feel your pain. I lost my mon at 13 and she was also sick and I couldn’t even cry.
    I was blank about everything, I have 3 siblings and we are all girls.
    She was 10 years last month, her death made me stronger and my siblings and I are doing great today.
    It’s better but make Mama proud.
    Kisses from here

  70. I’m really sorry about this. I’m short of words. I just pray you and your family heal from this pain. God be with you and guide her soul into His kingdom. Momma is sure proud of the woman you’ve become. You are indeed strong. You should cry all you need to, it’s never been a sign of weakness. What’s weak is you not showing your weakness. I love you baby

  71. I lost my dad may 18 2014(sunday), I was supposed to start my mid term test the following Tuesday and my mom forced me to go to school on Monday because of my test but I spent the whole day in the sick bay because I was just having panic attacks all through the day. I don’t know how I handled it but my mom and brother helped me through out that period and we became closer than ever.
    I never liked it when people tell me ‘I’m sorry’ whenever they hear that my father is late… I would just be like did you kill him? 🤔
    Crying is never a sign of weakness… We need to vent out our feelings sometimes
    The pain never really leaves but as time goes on you will learn to live with it. There would be some days when you will want to talk with her and then you will realize she’s not there but just have that feeling that she’s within you and she can hear whatever you will say.

    Stay strong dear. You’re blessed ❤

  72. King Osas,
    Strongest woman. I broke down when I saw your post on instagram most especially because I miss my mum so much. I remember how family members tried to keep it from me but then I already saw my cousin’s post on Facebook. Apart from my family friend squatting me, I didn’t tell my roommates and close course mates (they later found out 200 level second semester though she died 100 level first semester). I don’t fancy the idea of people telling me sorry about her death. And yes I cry a lot even though I don’t like crying in front of people. After crying, I smile and then give myself a pep talk. The pain doesn’t go away, I still find myself talking about her like she’s still alive. Sometimes I want to hug her and tell her how much I cherish her.
    Keep being you dear. All is well 🙏.

  73. My dear Osas. Life has its funny twists and turns. You are a strong girl who won’t let the walls of life fall on you. Death is inevitable. I feel your pain. But I’m glad your mother got to see you go so far and so great in both school and career choice. You don’t know how much I admire you. And this post I just read just proved to me that you’re definitely a strong girl and a role model to many. It’s painful honestly. I feel your pain. I can’t tell you to stop crying because it hurts. Trust me, I feel your pain. But I know you will rise and become stronger and greater for your mother to be happy wheresoever she is as she rests in the bosom of the Lord. I lost my father a year ago, and it still lingers in my mind. The story is too long but that’s not important. Osas, you’re an inspiration. I pray for God to fill the empty void left behind in your heart and your family. May your sweet, wonderful mother’s soul Rest In Peace. No matter what, remember that she is, was and will always be proud of you. Don’t mind my long talk oh. 😂😂😂😂 You’re strong girl! ✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽💯💯💯 Hugs and kisses from a distance🤗🤗🤗 (no homo! 😂)

  74. I lost my dad a while back I could not even utter a word but
    reading this,Your words just flow,your intent so pure .hmm😌 just made me realise i like you even more now than I did before you are a strong woman,your kind,above all you know just how to keep it going
    “May your ligth shine on this world,May your words and impact be felt for ages to come,May your strength be increased,May your wisdom be deepened ”
    And may the good Lord in his mercy and kindness continue to protect and guide you ..Amen.

  75. Lost someone close to me before,it was the hardest time in my life but I’m not going to say sorry about your loss I’m sure you’ve heard enough but you are a strong person and I’m sure she’s proud of how you are handling it all… May God grant you divine strength sweetie…sending so much love to you rn💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙…..Stay strong Super Osas.

  76. Hi Osas!
    I’ve never lost any one close to me before and honestly I don’t think I’d be able to handle it well cos I’m really emotional and get attached to people fast. I’d use myself as an example to answer why people say sorry. I’m in tune to people’s feelings and sometimes take their pain as mine, so I’m desperately searching for sth to say to show you how I feel and how I want to reach out to your heart and make everything better. But in all of the turmoil going on inside of me, the word that makes it out is “I’m so sorry” with tears in my eyes like I’m doing now. I don’t know if all of these make sense. Tears aren’t a sign of weakness. I cry a lot. If something hurts me, I cry but not in front of people. If I don’t cry, a lot of pressure is built up on my chest, it causes chest pain and eventually I have to let it all out. If one doesn’t cry, he/she probably hasn’t come to terms with their pain, so if you cry, you’re coming to terms with your pain and you have to be strong to do that. This might sound cliché but it’s true. Just as he did on the cross and took the pain of the world on his shoulders, he’s still very much in the business even as he’s no longer on the cross. Jesus makes it better. So I pray for you and your family now that Jesus will abide with you even in these hard times in Jesus name, amen! Mum’s resting now.
    I respect you Osas and I love you💞
    Take care.

  77. I’ve always been a stalker, but I really need to come out of the dark and console you. I also really need to state the fact that you’re very strong. If I lost someone I cared about, I’d probably follow. I pray she finds peaceful resting in heaven.
    The fact you’re still able to sit and post things up and still sound like your typical self is astonishing. I’m grateful to God you’re not a reck right now.
    *crawling back to my shadow corner.

    • Thank you so much for coming out to console me😂😂
      ‘I’ll probably follow’ this I can relate to. In my case, I just wanted her to be better and stronger then I’d take her place in death so that the rest of her children can enjoy her the way I did but we’re glad she lived a life of love

  78. Hello, i do not know you personally but I’m so touched and I empathize with you, you may start having dreams and you hallucinate because you might not still believe she’s gone for weeks, but please take heart and engage in a lot of activities to kill the pain, it might take a while but please be strong. May God comfort you and Give u the fortitude to bear the loss, I’m a psychologist and could be of help! You can see any after some months. Love you.

  79. Yes lost someone close to me my favorite uncle during my NECO exam then and also lost my another favorite niece due to the hospital carelessness i was shattered and bitter, i was almost in tears going thru your post, but i know of one thing she’s proud of you where she is and she’s in a better position. I don’t know need to sorry cause you’ve heard them enough all you need are words of encouragement and i know you’ve got good friends around you, you’ve been strong since the one i know you back then in Proper Arsenal College when you joined music class you trying to play the saxophone i was like wow i know it’s strong guys that play this but then not minding your small body babe you’ve got stronger mind i salute you for that and keep being the OSASTHEKING that you are….much love and keep making mummy proud ……

  80. I’m sorry for your loss😪😪😪.
    And yeah I’ve lost someone too but the pain would definitely go away with time
    I lost my dad few years back December 23rd
    2 days to Christmas 🤧
    You’d be fine 🙂

  81. I’d be wrong to say I know how you feel dear
    Nobody knows how to take death when it comes, Nobody is ever prepared, I must admit that you’re the strongest I know, always smiling and never showing your emotions, just keep being strong, I’m glad you know she has gone to somewhere better
    RIP to mama🖤
    Much love ❤️

  82. Yeah, I’ve lost a couple of people but then none was so close.
    I used to, and still believe that people who see expression of emotions such as crying as weak are the ones who are truly weak. It’s been a stereotype, still is by the way.
    But then I can feel it changing.
    People say sorry for things they didn’t cause because of our society I think. Any small thing like this, somebody will just change it for you.
    On a more serious note, the real sorrys are from those who feel attached to the pain you feel then. Those who feel there is something they could have done so you don’t feel that pain. Those who would have sacrificed so you don;t cross roads with that pain.The fake ones just want to hear gist or they’re merely doing anywhere belle face.

    Maybe the problem is having to differentiate these sorrys.

    God be with you Osas.
    All love from here

  83. Lost my dad. I refused to go for the burial
    I was forming hard guy .
    I feel people say sorry cuz they don’t know what else to say , so they use sorry as sympathetic
    I believe everyone cries. Some do in public,some hold it till they alone in their room..everyone cries at some point.
    Does the pain ever really go away? ..i don’t think so.. It just doesn’t feel as much painful as it was…

  84. I lost my uncle six years ago. I never cry when i loose a loved one tho …so many think m heartless but I have my reasons and I was really bitter when he died ….Crying isn’t a sign of weakness its just a natural feeling humans must have …its just a showoff of one’s sadness…crying isnt only about having tears rolling down one’s eye…its the ability to feel grief and react to pain so when people ask me why I’m not crying …i just reply them… I’m too hurt to shed tears … People see Sorry as a way of sympathy… They don’t know it only worsens the situation… Nobody ever handles pain …we all just feel a need to be strong and a chance to be happy at least…whenever my friends lose their loved ones …i tell them exactly what im about to tell you now…OSAS be brave…don’t cry…mum raised a strong woman…she was an heroine…heroines are not meant to be mourned but celebrated… She lived her best life on earth birthing and raising a king like you… You should be happy she died with the best legacy for you to live on with… Keep living with tge best memories you have of her…you will heal with time…hope it cheers you up 😊😊…plus I’m your new found fan 😍💃


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